Many parents today pay for private tutors to teach their children after school hours. Do you think this is a positive or negative development？
Most
of
parents pay Change preposition
apply
fee
for private mentors Fix the agreement mistake
fees
for teaching
their adolescents after Change preposition
to teach
school
hours. I think this
is a negative development and my essay will discuss my supporting points of view in the subsequent paragraphs.
To commence with, wastage
of Correct your spelling
waste
money
could be the main reason of
negative development. To Change preposition
for
ellaborate
Correct your spelling
elaborate
this
, parents already paid a lot of Change preposition
on this
money
to their education centres which includes
the charge Change the verb form
include
of
their Change preposition
for
school
activities, sports participation, annual events fee
, extra classes and overtime .
whether they pay more Fix the agreement mistake
fees
fee
to Private Fix the agreement mistake
fees
tutuors
Correct your spelling
tutors
then
it leads to Correct article usage
a wastage
wastage
of Replace the word
waste
money
because all facilities regarding any problem in study material are solved in school
timing always. Hence
, Guardians do not have to take
Verb problem
be
worrisome
about their Replace the word
worried
children
and save the
Correct article usage
apply
money
for Correct pronoun usage
their kid's
kid's
future rather than hiring private tutors at home.
Fix the agreement mistake
kids'
Moreover
, there are other factors which helps
to Change the verb form
help
strenghten
my point of view. Correct your spelling
strengthen
Firstly
, time saving
is one of them. If Add a hyphen
time-saving
children
spend most of time
in Correct pronoun usage
their time
school
or with private tutor
Fix the agreement mistake
tutors
then
they can not get some time
for playing or pursuing other activities that they want to do. Secondly
, it could be put
some negative effects on their health too. Wrong verb form
have
For example
, last
year, a survey was conducted which depicts 80% children
who spend Change preposition
of children
most
Add an article
the most
time
in study
always have health issues Add an article
the study
such
as less eyesight, headache, obesity and so on.
To conclude
this
, it can be seen that parents who pay to private teachers for the sake of own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
children
lead to wastage of time
of
Change preposition
apply
money
, Correct word choice
and heath
heath
problems which Correct your spelling
health
has
Change the verb form
have
lead
to Wrong verb form
led
overall
negative development.Submitted by deepnimrat553 on
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Introduction clarity
Try to directly address the question prompt in your introduction to immediately establish your position. While you stated a negative development, a more explicit explanation at the beginning would strengthen your argument.
Sentence variety
Variety in sentence structure can enhance the readability and coherence of your essay. Consider incorporating a mix of complex and compound sentences to better articulate your points.
Specific examples
Support your arguments with more specific examples. This could provide stronger evidence for your claims and make your essay more persuasive.
Spelling and grammar
Watch for consistent spelling and grammar. Mistakes can distract from your argument and reduce the clarity of your essay. Consider proofreading your essay for errors in spelling, punctuation, and grammar.
Avoid redundancy
Be cautious of redundancy in your arguments. Ensure that each paragraph offers a new insight or piece of evidence to maintain the reader's interest and support your thesis effectively.
Structure
You used a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion to organize your essay, which aids in understanding your main arguments.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarized your main points and restated your thesis, providing a clear end to your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.