It has become easier and more affordable for people to travel to other coutries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience

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With the innovation of
techonology
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technology

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, visiting
coutries
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countries

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around the
world
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required
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requires

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less effort and money. Personally, I believe it positively contributed to the development of individuals and their society. Starting with
personal
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the personal

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aspect, the increase in
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the assessibility

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assessibility
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accessibility
assessability

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of other
coutries
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countries

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rise
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raises

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people
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's horizons and
activitly
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activity
actively

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developed
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develops

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their knowledge. Dewey mentioned the importance
for
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of

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'Learn by doing' in education. I believe it is
also
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applicable
in
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to

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all human
being
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beings

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. Through having an increasing chance to travel around,
people
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can visit, eat, and communicate with
people
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in different places. It allows the population to understand and experience
of
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apply

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the living and culture of other
people
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through playing, visiting, tasting or even interacting. It provides a clearer picture of individuals and might inspire their thought with a more comprehensive understanding,
comparing
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compared

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with the
replience
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resilience
reliance

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of books and
video
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videos

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in the past. Moving to
the
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apply

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society, it is critical to work with different countries so as to
reaching
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reach

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a higher level of development. With the
convinence
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convenience

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of transportation,
business
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businesses

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can spend less cost, including time and money, to
sent
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send

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employee
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employees

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over the
world
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. The rise in linkage with more cities allows the
bunsiness
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business

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setcors
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sectors

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to share the
disocory
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discovery

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with other parties and
minized
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minimise

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the cost of production.
For
Linking Words

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example
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example,

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during COVID-19, we can see
people
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

around the
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

shared
Wrong verb form
share

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their experience and manpower in
the
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apply

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medical work,
while
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

a lot of
company
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companies

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put their production
line
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lines

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in developing
counties
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countries

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to reduce
the
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apply

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cost
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costs

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and
sent
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send

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manager
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managers

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to monitor the production process
by
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from

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time to time. It proves
the
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that

The word the doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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cheap and simple transportation
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

support
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supports

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the development of the
world
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as a whole. In summary, the rise in assessability to other places over the
world
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would always bring more benefit the harm to both
individual
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the individual

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and the
coutry
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country

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. It is essential for
people
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to hold
evey
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every

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chance to step out of their
confort
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comfort

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zone and
to
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apply

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explore the
world
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

.
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Spelling and Typos
Make sure to proofread your essay for small typos and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'countries' instead of 'coutries', 'accessibility' instead of 'assessibility'). These small errors don't significantly detract from your overall message but correcting them can improve the readability of your essay.
Examples and Evidence
Clarify your ideas with more specific, detailed examples. While you've provided general scenarios, adding more personal or widely recognized examples could strengthen your arguments.
Paragraphing and Flow
Use paragraphing to logically separate your ideas. Your essay shows a good use of structure, but ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next will enhance coherence further.
Language Use
Experiment with a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to add variety and depth to your essay. While your current level is quite good, diversifying your language use can make your argument more compelling.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and you clearly state your opinion, aligning well with the essay prompt.
Structure
Good job in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps in presenting your arguments coherently.
Argumentation
You have demonstrated a strong ability to reason and provide analogies (e.g., connecting the importance of 'learn by doing' to travel experiences), which makes your arguments more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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