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Band 5.5

It has become easier and more affordable for people to travel to other coutries. Do you think it is a positive or a negative development? Give your opinion and relevant examples from your experience

#people #travel #coutries #development
With the innovation of
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
, visiting
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
 around the
world
required
Wrong verb form
requires
show examples
 less effort and money. Personally, I believe it positively contributed to the development of individuals and their society. Starting with
personal
Correct article usage
the personal
show examples
 aspect, the increase in
Correct article usage
the assessibility
show examples
assessibility
Correct your spelling
accessibility
assessability
 of other
coutries
Correct your spelling
countries
rise
Verb problem
raises
show examples
people
's horizons and
activitly
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activity
actively
developed
Wrong verb form
develops
show examples
 their knowledge. Dewey mentioned the importance
for
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of
show examples
 'Learn by doing' in education. I believe it is
also
 applicable
in
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to
show examples
 all human
being
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beings
show examples
. Through having an increasing chance to travel around,
people
 can visit, eat, and communicate with
people
 in different places. It allows the population to understand and experience
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the living and culture of other
people
 through playing, visiting, tasting or even interacting. It provides a clearer picture of individuals and might inspire their thought with a more comprehensive understanding,
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
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 with the
replience
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resilience
reliance
 of books and
video
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videos
show examples
 in the past. Moving to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society, it is critical to work with different countries so as to
reaching
Change the form of the verb
reach
show examples
 a higher level of development. With the
convinence
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convenience
 of transportation,
business
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businesses
show examples
 can spend less cost, including time and money, to
sent
Wrong verb form
send
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employee
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employees
show examples
 over the
world
. The rise in linkage with more cities allows the
bunsiness
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business
setcors
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sectors
 to share the
disocory
Correct your spelling
discovery
 with other parties and
minized
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minimise
 the cost of production.
For
example
Add a comma
example,
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 during COVID-19, we can see
people
 around the
world
shared
Wrong verb form
share
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 their experience and manpower in
the
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apply
show examples
medical work,
while
 a lot of
company
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companies
show examples
 put their production
line
Fix the agreement mistake
lines
show examples
 in developing
counties
Correct your spelling
countries
show examples
 to reduce
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
show examples
 and
sent
Wrong verb form
send
show examples
manager
Fix the agreement mistake
managers
show examples
 to monitor the production process
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 time to time. It proves
the
Correct your spelling
that
show examples
 cheap and simple transportation
also
support
Correct subject-verb agreement
supports
show examples
 the development of the
world
 as a whole. In summary, the rise in assessability to other places over the
world
 would always bring more benefit the harm to both
individual
Correct article usage
the individual
show examples
 and the
coutry
Correct your spelling
country
. It is essential for
people
 to hold
evey
Correct your spelling
every
 chance to step out of their
confort
Correct your spelling
comfort
 zone and
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
explore the
world
.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Spelling and Typos
Make sure to proofread your essay for small typos and spelling mistakes (e.g., 'countries' instead of 'coutries', 'accessibility' instead of 'assessibility'). These small errors don't significantly detract from your overall message but correcting them can improve the readability of your essay.
Examples and Evidence
Clarify your ideas with more specific, detailed examples. While you've provided general scenarios, adding more personal or widely recognized examples could strengthen your arguments.
Paragraphing and Flow
Use paragraphing to logically separate your ideas. Your essay shows a good use of structure, but ensuring each paragraph flows smoothly into the next will enhance coherence further.
Language Use
Experiment with a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures to add variety and depth to your essay. While your current level is quite good, diversifying your language use can make your argument more compelling.
Introduction
The introduction effectively sets the stage for the discussion and you clearly state your opinion, aligning well with the essay prompt.
Structure
Good job in structuring the essay with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This organization helps in presenting your arguments coherently.
Argumentation
You have demonstrated a strong ability to reason and provide analogies (e.g., connecting the importance of 'learn by doing' to travel experiences), which makes your arguments more persuasive.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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