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Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries, boys and girls are educated in different school rather than in the same school. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#countries #boys #girls #school
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Various states have to
be learning
Wrong verb form
teach
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 both genders in
separated
Replace the word
separate
show examples
 kindergartens
instant
Correct your spelling
instead
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 of
one
institutions
Change to a singular noun
institution
show examples
.
However
, the positive side
in
Change preposition
of
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this
 idea
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 students may be
foucs
Correct your spelling
focused
 only
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the academic issues which lead them to achieve
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
 grades
while
 the downside of
this
 process encourages
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
discrimination between women and men. On
one
 side, the children who study in educational institutions which
parpare
Correct your spelling
prepare
prepared
him
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
one
 gender
classes
 it leads him to achieve
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 performance in their learning journey.
Furthermore
, the teaching process in the mixed
classes
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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make
Change the verb form
made
show examples
 students fall in love and both genders try to catchy each other
and
Correct word choice
apply
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some students seek to show another off , which eventually
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
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him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 to
lost
Wrong verb form
lose
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 focus
in
Change preposition
on
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 their tasks for
this
 , the above away can avoid him all
this
 troubles.
For example
, in a lot of mixed scholars around the
world
Add a comma
world,
show examples
 we witnessed a lot of unhealthy relationships between girls and boys and
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
massive problems that caused
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
to their
family
Fix the agreement mistake
families
show examples
. So, a lot of people prefer
this
 type of education. On the other side, the huge negative point of learning
each
Change preposition
about each
show examples
 gender far away from
another
Correct your spelling
the other
show examples
 is that may
be reach
Verb problem
lead
show examples
 to futuristic discrimination between them. What is more, when
teenagres
Correct your spelling
teenagers
received
Wrong verb form
receive
show examples
 education away from each other without any doubt, that will lead them to reduced communication between
him
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 and some boys maybe
influencial
Correct your spelling
influential
 negative and became have
a bad information
Remove the article
bad information
a piece of bad information
show examples
 about
another
Correct quantifier usage
other
show examples
 sex.
For instance
,
still
Add a comma
still,
show examples
 a sweeping people around the world have practice a bad
baise
Correct your spelling
base
 to his sex and
this
one
 of the results of above way. For
this
, a large number of people do not attend
this
 way.
To conclude
, the shaping of the classroom around universal is divided between some institutions
preferable
Change the word
preferably
show examples
 studying all genders in
one
classes
Change to a singular noun
class
show examples
 and
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 in different
classes
. So,
although
 both sides have positive and negative aspects
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
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the latter
one
 their negative
overweigh
Verb problem
outweighs
show examples
 the first way .
Submitted by mohammedelhassan811 on

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Structure
Try to structure your essay more clearly by using paragraphs to separate your introduction, each of your main points, and your conclusion. This structure helps the reader follow your argument more easily.
Examples
Your essay could benefit from more detailed examples to support your points. Adding specific, real-world examples enhances your argument and makes it more convincing.
Language
Working on clarity and precision in language use can greatly enhance your essay. Consider revisiting grammar and vocabulary choices to ensure your ideas are communicated as intended.
Grammar & Spelling
Be cautious with spelling and grammar to avoid misunderstandings. Regular practice and review of language rules can help improve your writing.
Balanced Discussion
You've presented both sides of the argument, which is a strong approach for this type of essay prompt.
Use of Examples
Attempts to provide examples to support points, showing an understanding of the essay structure.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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