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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below illustrates five different industries’ percentage share of Brazil’s economy in 2009 and 2019 with a forecast for 2029. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#bar #five #industries’ #percentage #brazil’s #economy #forecast #summarise #information #features #comparisons
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The bar chart
indicate
Change the verb form
indicates
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 the amount of five different industries'( finance, food processing, manufacturing,
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
, and oil, coal and gas) from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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Brazil's economy in 2009 and 2019 with apredication for the year 2029.
Overall
Linking Words
, food processing , fossil fuels,
toursim
Correct your spelling
tourism
 and manufacturing
indistries
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industries
 are expected to decrease in the future and finance is the only industry that has a prediction to increase in the future. In 2009 , finance industries in Brazil
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
represented more than 30% and increased to up 35% in 2019 with more expectation to reach a peak at more than 40%
for
Change preposition
of
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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Brazil's economy in 2029. The industry of fossil fuels
also
Linking Words
 witnessed an increase to up
30
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to 30
show examples
% in 2019 and with
expectation
Add an article
the expectation
an expectation
show examples
 to fall down to slightly more than 25% in 2019.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Food processing
producation
Correct your spelling
production
 showed only 10% in 2009 and is expected to remain at the same level after 20 years
although
Linking Words
 it
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
doubled in 2019 to become more than 20%.
In contrast
Linking Words
to
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apply
show examples
manufacturing
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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showed a
dramatically
Change the word
dramatic
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 decrease over
thegiven
Correct your spelling
the given
 period ( up 20%, up 15% respectively ) and will be under 5% in the future.
Submitted by monahhj123 on

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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decrease" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 3 times.
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