The role of education is to prepare children for the modern world. Schools should cut subjects such as arts and music out of the curriculum so that children can focus on subject such as information and technology. To what extend do you agree?
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In
todays
globalized world, learning Change to a genitive case
today's
of
Information Technology has become Change preposition
apply
everyday
need. Add an article
an everyday
However
, it is also
worth of consideration to remove some lesson
Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
such
as arts
and music
. In my perspective, removing some subjects and focusing on certain lesson
are not a good way . The author would discuss the lack of Fix the agreement mistake
lessons
arts
and music
learning for our future generation such
as loss of identity
and reducing patriotic feelings.
Art and music
play a crucial role in shaping a society's cultural identity
. They provide avenues for self-expression and reflection, allowing individuals to explore their emotions, values, and beliefs. Art forms such
as painting, sculpture, and literature often serve as a reflection of a society's history, values, and traditions. By removing arts
and music
from the curriculum, we risk depriving future generations of the opportunity to connect with their cultural heritage and express their unique identities.
Art and music
have long been used as tools to instill
patriotic feelings and a sense of national pride among citizens. National anthems, patriotic songs, and visual artworks depicting national symbols and historical events serve as powerful reminders of shared values and collective Change the spelling
instil
identity
. Furthermore
, the arts
and music
provide opportunities for civic engagement and expression. They empower individuals to voice their opinions, advocate for change, and participate actively in civic life. Without these forms of education, young people may become disconnected from their national identity
, leading to apathy and indifference towards their country.
In conclusion, the removal of arts
and music
education from the curriculum poses significant risks to our society and future generations. By depriving young people of exposure to these forms of expression, we risk losing our cultural identity
, weakening our sense of national pride, and undermining the foundations of democracy.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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task achievement
Be sure to address both sides of the argument more explicitly to fully meet the task requirements.
task achievement
Integrate more diverse and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to enhance coherence.
coherence cohesion
Consider developing a separate paragraph discussing the benefits of focusing on subjects like information technology, to provide a balanced view.
task achievement
Your essay shows a good understanding of the importance of arts and music in shaping cultural identity and patriotism.
coherence cohesion
You've clearly structured your essay with an introduction and conclusion that summarize your main points well.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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