IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opmion

#people #attention #opmion
Some would argue that promoting Products on television
attract
Correct subject-verb agreement
attracts
show examples
People
 to buy unnecessary things.
while
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
 believe that advertising is
basic
Add an article
the basic
a basic
show examples
 marketing strategy of any business.
However
, I think that fancy ads can Force individuals to Purchase unessential products. on the one
hund
Correct your spelling
hand
, most of the persons consider
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 as a disturbance. It is Advertisements
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 been considered
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
interruption
Fix the agreement mistake
interruptions
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
entertainment.
For instance
,
well known
Add a hyphen
well-known
show examples
 video sharing company
You Tube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
 Provide premium
subscription
Fix the agreement mistake
subscriptions
show examples
 to get rid of annoying ads during videos.
However
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 believe that those promotions do Provide
Skip
Correct article usage
a Skip
show examples
 option in between, which could be
worthy
Replace the word
worth
show examples
then
Replace the word
than
show examples
 spending
hard earn
Correct your spelling
hard-earned
show examples
 money buying
Premium
Correct article usage
a Premium
show examples
 membership. on the other
hund
Correct your spelling
hand
, it has been utilised during research that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
successful
business
Fix the agreement mistake
businesses
show examples
 spend tons of money on marketing. Unfortunately,
majority
Correct article usage
the majority
show examples
 of
people
 across the world consider actors as their sole model, Professionals use
this
 for their own Profit.
For example
,
owner
Correct article usage
the owner
show examples
 of the 'Lux
soup
Capitalize word
Soup
show examples
' company confessed that his net profit increased to a
lunge
Correct your spelling
large
show examples
 extent after the famous cricketer Virat Kohli Promoted his Product. In, Conclusion, there are only
few
Change the article
a few
show examples
people
 who do not care about broadcast.
while
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 other abundance
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
 draw towards these indispensable marketing strategies and I think local
people
 misuse their well-earned money on useless products.
Submitted by pateldhruvi038 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Spelling/Grammar
Proofread your essay to correct typos and spelling mistakes, such as 'Lux soup' instead of 'Lux soap', 'hund' instead of 'hand', and 'YouTube' as one word.
Grammar
Ensure consistency in verb tenses throughout the essay. For instance, maintain a consistent past or present tense as per the context.
Content Development
Balance the development of ideas in both parts of the discussion. Ensure both views and your own opinion are elaborated equally and fully.
Coherence
Use 'However' to introduce a contrastive point. Consider varying your transitional phrases to improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
You included both views and your own opinion as the prompt requested, showing a clear understanding of the task.
Content Support
You provided relevant examples to support your arguments, which strengthens your essay.
Structure
You maintained a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!