The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

#sales #sectors #zealand

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The pie diagram illustrates the retail sectors via online platforms reported in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.

Overall

Linking Words

, throughout the decade, all of the 4

sectors

Change noun form

sectors'

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distribution were almost similar. Travel and clothes sector popularity

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

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dropped

while

Linking Words

film

Correct article usage

the film

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music

Use synonyms

and book industry

were

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

increased slightly. Travelling in 2003 once had the largest market share of 36%

while

Linking Words

in 2013, the travelling department generated decreased to 29% which

results

Wrong verb form

resulted

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in film/

music

Use synonyms

to be

Change the verb form

being

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the strongest sector with 33% of

sales

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instead

Linking Words

, similar to the garment industry which

the

Correct article usage

apply

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sales

Use synonyms

declined from 24% to 16%.

While

Linking Words

the two sectors mentioned above

sales

Use synonyms

went down, it is noticeable that there were changes in the trend. In 2003, entertainment

such

Linking Words

as movies/

music

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and books was at 21% and 19% of

sales

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However

Linking Words

, film/

music

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had a significant growth in 2013 by 12% which makes the

sales

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33%, similar to books where its

sales

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was

Unnecessary verb

apply

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increased by 3% which is 22% for total

sales

Use synonyms

Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on Fri Apr 26 2024

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".

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Vocabulary: Replace the words music, sales with synonyms.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.

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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

▼

5
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Introduction & conclusion present

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 9.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

159 words

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The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

Some people say that increasing price of petrol is the best way to solve growing traffic and pollution problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Some people think that it is more beneficial to take part in sports which are played in teams, like football, while other people think that taking part in individual sports, like tennis or swimming, is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Car ownership has increased so rapidly over the past thirty years that many cities in the world are now ‘one big traffic jam’ How true do you think this statement is? What measures can governments take to discourage people from using their cars?

Some people think the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better, alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people believe that professionals, such as doctors and engineers ahould be required to work in the country where they did their training. Others believe thay should be free to work in another country if they wish. Discuss both these view and give your own opinion.