The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013

The pie chart charts below shows the online shopping sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013
The pie diagram illustrates the retail sectors via online platforms reported in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
Overall
, throughout the decade, all of the 4
sectors
Change noun form
sectors'
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distribution were almost similar. Travel and clothes sector popularity
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
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dropped
while
film
Correct article usage
the film
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/
music
and book industry
were
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apply
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increased slightly. Travelling in 2003 once had the largest market share of 36%
while
in 2013, the travelling department generated decreased to 29% which
results
Wrong verb form
resulted
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in film/
music
to be
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being
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the strongest sector with 33% of
sales
instead
, similar to the garment industry which
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sales
declined from 24% to 16%.
While
the two sectors mentioned above
sales
went down, it is noticeable that there were changes in the trend. In 2003, entertainment
such
as movies/
music
and books was at 21% and 19% of
sales
.
However
, film/
music
had a significant growth in 2013 by 12% which makes the
sales
33%, similar to books where its
sales
was
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apply
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increased by 3% which is 22% for total
sales
.
Submitted by kanchanakularathna1991 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Vocabulary: Replace the words music, sales with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.

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