IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Average daily sales of four products, by numbers of servings

#sales #four #products #numbers #servings
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The given bar graph provides details about the amount of middle diurnal selling of 5 consumables
such
Linking Words
 as hot
coffee
Use synonyms
, iced
coffee
Use synonyms
, ice cream, soup and
salad
Use synonyms
, in the case of summer and winter.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
salad
Use synonyms
 was sold
almost
Change preposition
at almost
show examples
 the same level in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
seasons
while
Linking Words
 the percentage of iced
coffee
Use synonyms
 trading increased considerably in sunny seasons and was nearly not offered
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 sale in winter.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, in winter. The best-selling and highest-grossing (about 75%) product is hot
coffee
Use synonyms
 compared with others. Against it, There was
also
Linking Words
 a product with the lowest index - iced
coffee
Use synonyms
. People have almost 1% less need to purchase it. The desire
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
salad
Use synonyms
 and ice cream was practically the same - around 20%. With an average of 50%, we can see that soup is in the
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
 of the table.
According to
Linking Words
 the bar graph, in summer, no significant changes were observed. Among the 5 products, iced
coffee
Use synonyms
 and ice cream with an indicator of more than 30%.
Also
Linking Words
,
Salad
Use synonyms
 and soup with the same number of indicators
were
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
got around 25%.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Introduction & Overview
Begin the essay with a clear introduction that outlines what the graph shows, followed by a detailed overview that highlights the main trends.
Paragraph Structure
Structure the essay in clear paragraphs, each focusing on comparing sales figures for the different products in summer and winter, making the comparison clearer.
Vocabulary
Use a wider range of vocabulary to describe trends and quantities (e.g., 'slight increase', 'remained steady', 'dramatically fell'). This can make your essay more engaging and precise.
Cohesion
Make sure every paragraph connects logically to the next. Transitional phrases like 'On the other hand', 'In contrast', and 'Similarly' can help achieve this.
Task Achievement
You've managed to give a comprehensive overview of sales trends for each product across seasons, which shows good task achievement.
Coherence
The logical structuring of your essay and the distinction between seasons is clear, demonstrating good coherence.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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