IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people say that advertising is extremely successful at persuading us to buy things. Other people think that advertising is so common that we no longer pay attention to it. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #attention
It is
widely
Correct article usage
a widely
show examples
 held belief that
impact
Correct article usage
the impact
show examples
 of advertising
conducting
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a huge respect among societies.
Therefore
commercial
Fix the agreement mistake
commercials
show examples
 about distinct
products
 are compelling people to buy these.
However
 ,there is debate over whether it is fruitful for those consumers who
reliance
Replace the word
rely
show examples
 on these sources to
buying
Wrong verb form
buy
show examples
things
 or
it
Correct word choice
if it
show examples
 is rare in
communties
Correct your spelling
communities
 to
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
 becoming a controversial argument. In
this
 essay , my contention will be
further
 elaborated. Ostensibly, having
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 add on the
products
acquire
Correct subject-verb agreement
acquires
show examples
 buyers come to know about its functions and features.To put it simply,there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 detailed information about the items in its ads like what benefits customers have
along with
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 qualities so pupils can decide before spending their money on it.
Additionally
,it
provide
Change the verb form
provides
show examples
 assistance in case
if
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
there are some offers on
things
 like branded clothes,electronic appliances and so on.Because
,
Remove the comma
apply
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
commuters refuse to spend on these luxury items
due to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 expensiveness which
stuck
Verb problem
makes
show examples
 them just dream about
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
.
However
, commercial in case of daily usage
products
 like tiny house appliances like fans, kitchen appliances and others would leads waste your time and money.
For instance
, these
things
 usually folks have in their houses so ads on it can encourage them again buy with
new
Add an article
a new
the new
show examples
 modern upgrade but it has
same
Change the article
the same
show examples
funtionality
Correct your spelling
functionality
 as old ones.
Moreover
, the trend of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
 confusing to decide on relevant ones as a
consequences
Fix the agreement mistake
consequence
show examples
 customers cannot underestimate which
products
 have excessive durability. In
conculde
Correct your spelling
conclude
, there is no doubt that advertising is a splendid way to introduce new
things
 in
market
Correct article usage
the market
show examples
 but, there would be some awareness among
communties
Correct your spelling
communities
 about their positive and negative impacts.
Submitted by kaurbhagwant95 on

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Structure
Try to organize your essay more clearly by using distinct paragraphs for each main idea, followed by supporting details.
Coherence
Use a variety of conjunctions and cohesive devices to link your ideas more effectively.
Development
Develop your ideas more fully with specific examples and explanations.
Accuracy
Revise your work or use tools to check grammar, spelling, and punctuation errors to improve clarity and professionalism.
Introduction/Conclusion
Ensure your introduction clearly presents the topic and your thesis, while your conclusion should effectively summarize your arguments and state your opinion.
Understanding
You have engaged with both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the task.
Relevance
Your essay addresses a relevant topic and attempts to provide a balanced view.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • persuade
  • promote
  • attract
  • influence
  • impact
  • consumerism
  • commercialism
  • market
  • product
  • brand
  • endorsement
  • manipulative
  • saturated
  • overwhelmed
  • repetitive
  • distracting
  • irrelevant
  • exaggerated
  • misleading
  • desensitized
What to do next:
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