Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

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It is
undoubtly
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undoubtedly
the case that
people
with
privilage
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privilege
, in
this
case
Add the comma(s)
case,
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
those
show examples
who are rich have the chance to help those who are in need. I strongly agree with the idea that it gives an
opportunity
for rich
people
to help others with their wealth. The most compelling reason for my stance is that helping
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
can be
easily
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easy
show examples
by giving up their money directly.
This
can be seen by doing charities, giving food to strangers or simply providing food for animals in
shelter
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shelters
show examples
.
Furthermore
, the
opportunity
of helping
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to help
show examples
others with their wealth can be done with their contribution to the academic field by giving
scholarship
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scholarships
show examples
to
Add an article
the young
a young
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young
Correct word choice
younger
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generation
that is
serious about continuing their education but cannot afford the tuition fee.
For instance
, the top ten richest man in the world, Bill Gates built a
fondation
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foundation
that
focusing
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focuses
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on funding
student
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students
show examples
who are under
Correct article usage
the privilage
show examples
privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
to get
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of getting
show examples
scholarship
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scholarships
show examples
until they finish their education. Another thing that
support
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supports
show examples
my argument is that rich
people
can help the lower class indirectly by
creat
Correct your spelling
creating
show examples
jobs
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job opportunities
show examples
opportunity
. Wealthy family usually get their wealth by doing business or
become
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becoming
show examples
an investor. Those who
in
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are in
show examples
business, indeed, need
employee
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an employee
the employee
show examples
to run their company and make it bigger and make profits.
Consequently
, not only
the
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does the
show examples
business owner
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get the advantages but
also
the worker.
This
means that rich
people
can help indirectly to those who are in need by giving them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
opportunity
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opportunities
show examples
.
To sum up
, I would argue that having the
Correct your spelling
privilege
privilage
Correct your spelling
privilege
of being rich gives the
opportunity
to help
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
directly
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
spending their money and indirectly by giving the
opportunity
to
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
show examples
class to have a job.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Try to enhance the clarity of your main points by adding more specific examples and clearer explanations to support your argument.
Logical Structure
Work on improving your essay structure by ensuring that each paragraph smoothly transitions to the next, making your argument more cohesive.
Grammar and Precision
Consider revising your sentences for minor grammatical errors and ensuring variation in sentence structure for a more polished and sophisticated essay.
Thesis Statement
You effectively conveyed your agreement with the statement by providing a clear thesis in your introduction.
Use of Examples
Good job on including examples, like the Bill Gates Foundation, which helps to ground your arguments with tangible evidence.
Conclusion
You successfully concluded your essay by summarizing your points and restating your stance, reinforcing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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