IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

It is undeniable that we spend most of our time working because people desire a better life. However, in the modern economy, where labor is in high demand, working hours have increased, leaving people with little time to take care of themselves. With the above problem, reducing working hours , the short working week is essential

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It is undeniable that we spend most of our time working because people desire a better life.
However
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, in the modern economy, where
labor
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labour
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 is in high demand, working hours have increased, leaving people with little time to take care of themselves. With the above problem, reducing working hours , the short working week is essential
Work
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 is beneficial as it motivates personal growth, but excessive
work
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 has negative consequences to do with mental
health
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 and a lack of
work
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 productivity.
In other words
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, it not only affects
health
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 but
also
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 ineffective
work
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. As for
health
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 effects, because too much
work
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 and deadlines are waiting to be handled, people tend to solve all to finish.
As a result
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, employees could not balance between their life and
work
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. Over time,
this
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 imbalance can lead to burnout, stress, and even severe
health
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 issues
such
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 as heart disease. Poor eating habits and weakened mental
health
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 lead to decreased
work
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 efficiency.
Therefore
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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policies to protect workers’ rights are born to limit the abuse of
labor
Change the spelling
labour
show examples
. The policy of reducing working hours and remuneration policies for employees with rest, showing that the proposal of a short working week is a completely reasonable thing.
For example
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, studies have shown that countries with shorter workweeks,
such
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 as Sweden and the Netherlands, report higher levels of employee satisfaction and
overall
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 well-being. In short, humans are not machines that can
work
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 endlessly without rest. Excessive
work
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 will affect the person itself
as well as
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 the development of that country. A shorter workweek is a practical solution to enhance employee well-being and
overall
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 productivity.

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task achievement
The introduction could be clearer by stating the main argument more explicitly and refining the transition into the body of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point being discussed.
coherence and cohesion
A concluding sentence summarizing the key points in each paragraph would enhance the overall coherence of the essay.
task achievement
Add more specific examples or case studies to strengthen the argument regarding the benefits of a shorter workweek.
task achievement
You've presented a relevant and interesting argument about the necessity of reducing working hours.
task achievement
The examples of countries with shorter workweeks effectively support your main argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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