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Band 6.5

The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australian states for last year. The pie chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australian states.

The table below shows the numbers of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in 5 Australian states for last year. The pie chart below shows percentages of same day and overnight stays in public and private hospitals in the same 5 Australian states.
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The provided table gives information about how many
same
Add a hyphen
same-day
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day
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 and overnight stays in public and private
hospitals
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 in 5 Australian states for
Linking Words
last
Correct article usage
the last
show examples
 year. Namely New South Wales, Victoria,
Queenland
Correct your spelling
Queensland
, Western
Australia
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 and South
Australia
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. The pie chart indicates the
number
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 of percentages of same
day
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 and overnight stays in the same 5 Australian states.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obviously seen
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in the
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the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 analyzed period the majority of
people
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 visited
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apply
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in
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apply
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Public
hospitals
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,
whereas
Linking Words
 the lowest indicator of
people
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 was in Private
hospitals
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.
Also
Linking Words
, the percentage of
same
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same-day
show examples
day
Use synonyms
 and overnight stays in Public
hospitals
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more
Add a missing verb
is more
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 than
private
Change preposition
in private
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hospitals
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. Getting back to the details
The
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 year New South Wales had the highest
number
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 of
people
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 with 6097. A significant
number
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 of patients were in Victoria and Queensland(4607 and 3128 respectively). In other parts of
Australia
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, namely Western
Australia
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 and South
Australia
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, there were fewer patients compared to the others and they all together accounted for about 3000. With regard to private ones,
people
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 who had health problems flocked mostly to New South Wales, Victoria and Queensland(about 2100 for each of them).Personal healthcare services in other areas had the lowest
number
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 of individuals with 829 and 617 respectively. As for the pie chart,the largest proportion of patients were in public healthcare services both overnight and same-
day
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 stays(around one-third).Meanwhile,the figures for private same
day
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 and private overnight were the least and together were responsible for 40%.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 79%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words day, hospitals, australia, number, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stays" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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