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Band 5

People should only buy food sourced locally. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

#people #food
In recent years, there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 a big argument between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
 about whether they should buy
food
 locally or not. Even though some of them think that buying
food
regenaly
Correct your spelling
regularly
can have a positive impact on the local economy, others may argue that there are a lot of drawbacks too.
This
 essay will look at both sides of the argument and draw some conclusions. One of the main
benefits
 of
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
,
because of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying
food
 locally,
money
Add a missing verb
is money
show examples
 stays in the community and can support all farmers and businesses, which can help boost the local economy. When money stays in its own community , it can be the cause of a significant increase in the quality of goods.
Moreover
, local produce is often fresher because it doesn't have to travel as far, which can lead to better taste and higher nutrient content. So it is one of the main
benefits
 why most
people
 prefer buying local
food
. Turning to the other side of the argument, there is some feedback
especially
Add the comma(s)
, especially
show examples
 for certain
products
 that can't be grown in the local climate or are out of season. Generally speaking, it can be a big problem for the locals. So buying limited
products
 can restrict
people
.
Additionally
, it can be a terrible problem if
people
 buy
food
 and groceries locally. Assuming that there is a natural disaster
such
 as a tornado storm, there won't be enough
food
 to withstand these disasters.What's more, if there
will be
Wrong verb form
is
show examples
 some problem with
food
Correct article usage
the food
show examples
 supply,
which
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 can negatively affect the locals. In conclusion,
while
 purchasing
food
 locally might have vast
benefits
 including busting the local economy
as well as
 increasing the quality of
products
, its drawbacks
such
 as
unavailability
Correct article usage
the unavailability
show examples
 of certain
products
 in specific areas,
possibility
Add an article
the possibility
show examples
 of natural disasters and
food
 supply shortage can not be overlooked. In my opinion,
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
show examples
 outweigh the
benefits
.
Submitted by elnur.adil on

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Clarity & Development
Work on enhancing the clarity and development of your main points. While your essay addresses both sides of the argument, ensure each paragraph distinctly elaborates on the advantages and disadvantages with clearer examples and explanations.
Linking
Consider integrating a wider variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow between sentences and paragraphs. This will help achieve a more cohesive and coherent essay.
Specific Examples
To strengthen your argument, try to include more specific examples and evidence that directly support your claims. This will add depth to your analysis and make your essay more persuasive.
Balanced Argument
You have done pretty well at balancing both sides of the argument, providing a fair overview of advantages and disadvantages.
Effective Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, effectively setting up the essay and summarizing its main points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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