It is sometimes suggested that primary schoolchildren should learn how to grow vegetables and keep animals. Do you think that the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?
The approach of teaching in primary school
children
should learn how to grow vegetables
and how to keep animals
has many merits and demerits. In this
discussion, I will talk about how advantages
of Correct article usage
the advantages
this
outweigh the disadvantages.
On the one hand, there are many advantages of suggesting primary school children
should learn to about grow vegetables
and to know how to cultivate vegetables
and fruits from the agricultural fields,
because when they able to produce foods items straight from the field they would understand the values of foods and it develops a huge connection to the environment. Remove the comma
apply
Secondly
, children
should take care of animals
with them, and it makes a huge impact on the environment. It will save the animals
from extinction and it will make the relationship between humans and animals
. For example
, if we are separated from our parents due to
business this
experience of growing vegetables
will help us in future.
On the other hand
, many diseases will spread from the animals
and it will affect the
Correct article usage
apply
children
easily and it will cause severe diseases like roundworm, rabies, etc…. The sickness will transmit from children
to parents quickly and it makes the whole family ill. The children
who work on agricultural land will get
more health issues because of the fertilizer we use for crops to grow to get more production in land, Verb problem
have
this
causes sickness like burning skin, respiratory damage, and breathing Correct pronoun usage
which
problem
. When Fix the agreement mistake
problems
children
invest their time in growing vegetables
it will affect their education, in the modern age, children
have a hectic schedules
with homework and assignments and they have their own interests and work to do.
Correct the article-noun agreement
a hectic schedule
hectic schedules
To sum up
, there is a clear advantage that children
should learn how to grow vegetables
and
to keep Correct word choice
apply
animals
with them and be aware of diseases which are caused by animals
and pesticides. This
activity will change the future and have a great impact on the environment.Submitted by insighttribez on
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Clarity and specificity
To enhance the clarity of your main points, try to provide more specific examples that directly support your arguments. This approach will make your essay more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Cohesion
For a more cohesive essay, work on the transitions between paragraphs. Smooth transitions help in maintaining the flow of your argument, making your essay more readable and engaging.
Task response
Keep working on fully responding to all parts of the prompt. While you've addressed the general topic, expanding on how these activities could be integrated into the curriculum without interfering with academic learning would make your response more comprehensive.
Structure
Your introduction and conclusion frames the essay well, providing a clear perspective on the topic.
Balanced discussion
You've made a good effort in presenting both sides of the argument, which is key in a balanced discussion essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite