IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Fresh water has always been a limited source in some parts of the world. Today, however, growing worldwide demand has made this a global problem. What are the causes of the increased demand, what measurements can governments and individuals take to respond to this problem?

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Introduction
In past decades,the
earth
Change noun form
earth's
show examples
 planet has experienced a
highly reduce
Replace the word
high reduction
show examples
 in
water
Use synonyms
source
Fix the agreement mistake
sources
show examples
.
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon was considered an essential problem in some
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of the world .
As a result
Linking Words
 of, growing the population all over the world
this
Linking Words
 trouble become more serious.
In addition
Linking Words
, increasing the consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 in manufacturing.
This
Linking Words
 could be tickled by the
filteration
Correct your spelling
filtration
 of salt
water
Use synonyms
 and spreading
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
awareness
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
individulas
Correct your spelling
individuals
.
Body paragraph 1
On the
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
 hand,
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
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 demand
of
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for
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 overpopulation
lead
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leads
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 to
rise
Correct article usage
a rise
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 in
shortage
Correct article usage
the shortage
show examples
 of
water
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
consider
Wrong verb form
is considered
show examples
 a primary cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
water
Use synonyms
 reduction. the amount of
people
Use synonyms
affect
Correct subject-verb agreement
affects
show examples
 the
using
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use
show examples
 of
water
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 when there
is
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are
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less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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 individuals there will be less consumption of
water
Use synonyms
 for cooking, washing and other purposes .
For example
Linking Words
,the ILO
do
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
study
Correct article usage
a study
show examples
 in 2015,which
is shown
Wrong verb form
showed
show examples
 that
,
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apply
show examples
 in the
last
Linking Words
 two years there
is
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
rise
Add an article
a rise
the rise
show examples
 in
world
Correct article usage
the world
show examples
 population.
As a result
Linking Words
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 is a huge decrease in
water
Use synonyms
 .The
econd
Correct your spelling
second
 cause is that
,
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apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 used to make other resources of energy from
water
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as production electricity .
Body paragraph 2
on the other hand
Linking Words
,
Linking Words
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
 downsides could be
soulved
Correct your spelling
solved
,
firstly
Linking Words
 by
filtration
Correct article usage
the filtration
show examples
 of salt
water
Use synonyms
could
Verb problem
apply
show examples
.the government of many countries
spacially
Replace the word
especially
show examples
 areas which are suffering deeply should
promoting
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promote
be promoting
show examples
 a highly
filetration
Correct your spelling
filtration
systemFor
Correct your spelling
system for
 instance,Saudi Arabia, make benefit from the red
see
Correct your spelling
sea
show examples
 and promote a highly
filteration
Correct your spelling
filtration
 system .
Moreover
Linking Words
, rising awareness
between
Change preposition
among
show examples
people
Use synonyms
.because many
people
Use synonyms
has
Verb problem
are
show examples
 unknowledgeable about the dangerous
suituation
Correct your spelling
situation
 of
water
Use synonyms
 overconsumption .
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, shortage of
water
Use synonyms
 is
undeniable
Add an article
an undeniable
show examples
 problem because it threat many lives

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Structure
Consider organizing your essay into clearer paragraph structures. Begin with an introductory statement, followed by body paragraphs addressing the causes, and then discussing potential solutions, ending with a conclusion. This structure helps in enhancing the logical flow of your argument.
Development
Work on developing your points more thoroughly. When you introduce an idea, such as the impact of overpopulation on water demand, provide more details, explanations, and specific examples to substantiate your argument.
Grammar
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and punctuation. Regular practice and reviewing grammar rules can improve your writing significantly. Avoid run-on sentences and make sure to use punctuation accurately to improve readability.
Vocabulary
Increasing your vocabulary range can help you express your ideas more precisely. Try to use varied language and specific terminology relevant to the topic, such as 'desalination' instead of 'filteration of salt water'.
Task Response
You have addressed both parts of the question, discussing causes of the water shortage and suggesting solutions.
Coherence
The essay demonstrates an understanding of the topic and an attempt to structure the argument logically.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • scarce resource
  • global crisis
  • domestic usage
  • agricultural expansion
  • industrial processes
  • freshwater availability
  • climate variability
  • sustainable practices
  • drought-resistant crops
  • water conservation
  • infrastructure investment
  • public awareness
  • environmental stewardship
  • efficient fixtures
  • water footprint
  • recycling facilities
  • ecosystem preservation
  • local initiatives
  • policy support
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