๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ฆ ๐˜‹๐˜ช๐˜ข๐˜จ๐˜ณ๐˜ข๐˜ฎ๐˜ด ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ด๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ข ๐˜ด๐˜ฎ๐˜ข๐˜ญ๐˜ญ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ญ ๐˜ฎ๐˜ถ๐˜ด๐˜ฆ๐˜ถ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ด ๐˜ด๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ณ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ๐˜ด ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ 1957 ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ 2007.

The given diagram provides an outline of the method to produce
milk
.
Overall
, the stage begins with
cows
grazing and ends with delivering
milk
products
to supermarkets and shops in the supply chain.
To begin
with,
cows
roam freely and graze to maintain their health.
Consequently
, healthy
cows
can produce a vast amount of
milk
.
Subsequently
, the
cows
are milked twice a day using milking machines, and the raw
milk
is stored in refrigerated storage. Once ready, a
milk
tanker collects the
milk
and delivers it to the factory daily. At the factory, machinery processes the
milk
into dairy
products
such
as
milk
, cheese, cream, and butter, meeting the demands of the supply chain. An additional point to note is that after the
milk
products
are produced, they undergo a procedure to be pasteurized and packaged.
Finally
, they are served in supermarkets and shops for sale to consumers, ensuring the availability of fresh dairy
products
.
Submitted by ssssisi on

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task achievement
You've effectively summarized the milk production process from the beginning to the end, providing a clear overview. To enhance your essay, consider expanding on each stage with more detail or examples to add depth to the description.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a logical flow, which makes it easy to follow. For further improvement, you might use a wider range of linking words and phrases to show relationships between stages more explicitly.
task achievement
Good use of an overall statement to summarize the process at the beginning.
coherence and cohesion
Clear sequencing of steps in the milk production process.
language
Efficient use of passive voice which is appropriate for process descriptions.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Topic Vocabulary:
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  • cultural awareness
  • opportunities
  • globalized world
  • job market
  • interact
  • linguistic abilities
  • cultural exchange
  • language proficiency
  • language barrier
  • foreign travel
  • personal growth
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  • self-confidence
  • enhance
  • cross-cultural communication
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