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Writing Samples
Band 5

The chart shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different types of attractions from 1980 to 2010.

The chart shows the percentage of tourists to Scotland who visited four different types of attractions from 1980 to 2010.
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The line graph gives information about the proportion of tourists Scotland visited different
attractions
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 the namely
aquarium
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zoo
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castle
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 and festival between 1980 and 2010
Overall
Linking Words
 the proportion of castlesCastle showed rising trends
whereas
Linking Words
 that of aquariums was small with castles having the biggest .
According to
Linking Words
 the line graph that showed
aquarium
Use synonyms
 significant rising 20
%percentage
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 of different
attractions
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 in 1980.
Castle
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 slightly 23 % proportion of
attractions
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 in 1980.
Zoo
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 marked 9 %percentage of different
attractions
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 in 1980. Festival high rising 31 %proportion of
attractions
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 in 1980.
Aquarium
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 the rising 34
%percentage
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 of
attractions
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 in 1985.
Castle
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 minimal 34
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
 of different
attractions
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 in 1985.
Zoo
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 a little bit 15 %percentage of different
attractions
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 in 1985. Festival fell 33 %proportion of
attractions
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 in 1985. The
aquarium
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 suddenly dropped the
20
Correct your spelling
20 proportion
%proportion
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 of different
attractions
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 in 1990. The
Castle
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 dramatically had 40 %percentage of different
attractions
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 in 1990.
Zoo
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 minimal drop 10 %percentage of
attractions
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 in 1990. Festival gradual 22 %proportion of different
attractions
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 in 1990.
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Aquarium
Fix the agreement mistake
Aquariums
show examples
 rose 23 %percentage of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 1995 .
Castle
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 a little rising 45
%percentage
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 of
attractions
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 in 1995 .
Zoo
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 11 minimal %percentage of different
attractions
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 in 1995. Festival didn't change 23
%proportion
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 of
attractions
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 in 1995 .
Use synonyms
Aquarium
Fix the agreement mistake
Aquariums
show examples
saw
declined
Change the form of the verb
decline
show examples
of 22 %proportion of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2000.
Castle
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 fell 35
%percentage
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 of different
attractions
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 in 2000.
Zoo
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 average 10
%proportion
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 of different
attractions
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 in 2000. Festival decreased by 25 %percentage of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2000
Aquarium
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 dropped by 18 %proportion of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2005.
Castle
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 declined 35 %percentage of different
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2005
Zoo
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 significant 18 % percentage of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2005. Festival decrease 15 %proportion of
attractions
Use synonyms
 in 2005

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the second paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words attractions, aquarium, zoo, castle, %percentage, %proportion with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 10 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 9 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "fell" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "significant" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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