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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

At an early age, children should be taught how to be aware true or false in a particular situation. To help them understand this difference, punishment is an essential consequence. Although many people suppose that it is not necessary,

At an early age,
children
Use synonyms
 should be taught how to be aware true or false in a particular situation. To help them understand
this
Linking Words
 difference, punishment is an essential consequence.
Although
Linking Words
 many people suppose that it is not necessary, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 perspective. Numerous individuals argue that
children
Use synonyms
 in early childhood are too young to learn the way to determine right and wrong. I believe the first lesson that
children
Use synonyms
 should learn
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is awareness of a particular scenario as
this
Linking Words
 affects directly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their behaviours. If
children
Use synonyms
 can
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
show examples
 the difference between right and wrong, they are able to avoid dangerous situations or undesired incidents.
For instance
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,
children
Use synonyms
 have
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
show examples
 of their behaviours, they will not go to dangerous places
such
Linking Words
 as
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
,
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
,
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
show examples
... without the control of their
parents
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. Regarding
punishments
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,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 must have corresponding measures in cases
children
Use synonyms
 oppose compliance. There are a lot of situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are not aware so they need to be taught by their
parents
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 and
teachers
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, and
punishments
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 are essential in case they break the rules.
For example
Linking Words
, there were several cases
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 went too far
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
 accommodations
due to
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curious
Replace the word
curiosity
show examples
.
This
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 led to unfortunate accidents happening with them
such
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 as they got lost which resulted in exhaustion, and death.
Additionally
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,
parents
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 and
teachers
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 must always have close observations
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
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 to avoid those accidents, and one of the effective ways to educate
children
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 is punishment. If
children
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 violate the rules, some
punishments
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 will be imposed on them
such
Linking Words
 as warning or denying their several requests.
To conclude
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, there are a lot of arguments among citizens with diverse opinions to educate
children
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 on the dissimilar between right and wrong at an early age. I believe that
this
Linking Words
 is vital.
Additionally
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,
parents
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 need to have some essential
punishments
Use synonyms
 to help
children
Use synonyms
 understand
this
Linking Words
 lesson as well.

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Language Use
Your essay provides a clear point of view and supports it with relevant examples, which is excellent. To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary to clearly express your ideas and avoid repetition.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a single clear idea, supported by examples or explanations. This will improve the clarity and impact of your argument.
Task Response
In discussing punishments, it's important to also consider their impacts on children's psychology and behavior in a balanced way. Including a range of perspectives may enrich your argument and demonstrate deeper analytical skills.
Language Use
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to enhance readability and effectiveness of your communication.
Structure
You successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Examples
The use of specific examples to support your points helped make your argument more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Coherence
You maintained a logical flow of ideas throughout, which helped in making the essay coherent and easy to follow.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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