At an early age, children should be taught how to be aware true or false in a particular situation. To help them understand this difference, punishment is an essential consequence. Although many people suppose that it is not necessary,

At an early age,
children
should be taught how to be aware true or false in a particular situation. To help them understand
this
difference, punishment is an essential consequence.
Although
many people suppose that it is not necessary, I agree with
this
perspective. Numerous individuals argue that
children
in early childhood are too young to learn the way to determine right and wrong. I believe the first lesson that
children
should learn
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is awareness of a particular scenario as
this
affects directly
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their behaviours. If
children
can
distinct
Replace the word
distinguish
show examples
the difference between right and wrong, they are able to avoid dangerous situations or undesired incidents.
For instance
,
children
have
awareness
Correct article usage
an awareness
show examples
of their behaviours, they will not go to dangerous places
such
as
river
Fix the agreement mistake
rivers
show examples
,
forest
Fix the agreement mistake
forests
show examples
,
mountain
Fix the agreement mistake
mountains
show examples
... without the control of their
parents
. Regarding
punishments
,
parents
and
teachers
must have corresponding measures in cases
children
oppose compliance. There are a lot of situations
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
children
are not aware so they need to be taught by their
parents
and
teachers
, and
punishments
are essential in case they break the rules.
For example
, there were several cases
Change preposition
in that
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
children
went too far
their
Change preposition
for their
show examples
accommodations
due to
curious
Replace the word
curiosity
show examples
.
This
led to unfortunate accidents happening with them
such
as they got lost which resulted in exhaustion, and death.
Additionally
,
parents
and
teachers
must always have close observations
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
children
to avoid those accidents, and one of the effective ways to educate
children
is punishment. If
children
violate the rules, some
punishments
will be imposed on them
such
as warning or denying their several requests.
To conclude
, there are a lot of arguments among citizens with diverse opinions to educate
children
on the dissimilar between right and wrong at an early age. I believe that
this
is vital.
Additionally
,
parents
and
teachers
need to have some essential
punishments
to help
children
understand
this
lesson as well.
Submitted by weezel on

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Language Use
Your essay provides a clear point of view and supports it with relevant examples, which is excellent. To improve, try to use a wider range of vocabulary to clearly express your ideas and avoid repetition.
Coherence and cohesion
Make sure each paragraph has a single clear idea, supported by examples or explanations. This will improve the clarity and impact of your argument.
Task Response
In discussing punishments, it's important to also consider their impacts on children's psychology and behavior in a balanced way. Including a range of perspectives may enrich your argument and demonstrate deeper analytical skills.
Language Use
Be cautious of minor grammatical errors and work on sentence structure to enhance readability and effectiveness of your communication.
Structure
You successfully structured your essay with a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
Examples
The use of specific examples to support your points helped make your argument more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Coherence
You maintained a logical flow of ideas throughout, which helped in making the essay coherent and easy to follow.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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