IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.
#three #information #percentage #degrees #terms #four #professions #university #period
This
illustrations
Change the determiner
illustration
show examples
 shows
informations
Change the wording
information
pieces of information
show examples
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 degrees in four sciences. It was computer
science
, medicine, business and law. In 20 years period. In my opinion, computer
science
was
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
 very interesting since
Add an article
the
show examples
introduction of it and
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of students increased
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 15%
up to
Change preposition
over
show examples
 20 years.
Whereas
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
law
science
 shows the least level of improvement
among
Change preposition
at
show examples
 that time.
While
 medical
science
 professionals increased about 5% from 1990 to 2010.
On the other hand
, business
science
 holders decreased
15
Change preposition
by 15
show examples
 % from 1990 to 2010. In conclusion, the world going to computer
science
 and technology as we
know
Correct pronoun usage
know it
show examples
.
Submitted by afnan.sa1992 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Introduction: The introduction is missing.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the fifth paragraph.
▼
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words science with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fifth paragraph.
▼

Ultimate Speaking practice for IELTS

Practice speaking step by step, answer real-life questions, and build your confidence. Start your free trial and improve your speaking skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • professions
  • industry demands
  • societal trends
  • gender distribution
  • equality
  • persistent gender gaps
  • job market
  • supply and demand
  • employment challenges
  • technological advancements
  • economic conditions
  • policy changes
  • societal shifts
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!