Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is inevitable that the aims
spending
Change preposition
of spending
show examples
money
depend
one
Correct your spelling
on
show examples
the person
while
some
people
argue that the most essential thing about being a wealthy person is to provide
opportunity
Add an article
an opportunity
the opportunity
show examples
to give other
people
a hand. From my standpoint, I firmly believe that being rich means
to help
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helping
show examples
other
people
.
To begin
with,
people
commonly depict being rich as having much
money
lead
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leads
show examples
people
to spend it
whatever
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on whatever
show examples
they desire, constructing gigantic
house
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houses
show examples
like
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
castle
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castles
show examples
or shopping
branded
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for branded
show examples
clothes.
However
, it is nothing if they do not have
a
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apply
show examples
pleasure.
People
may ignore the rich
people
in their
environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
because they are so selfish,
thingking
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thinking
only about
theirselves
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themselves
show examples
. To prevent that case,
socilising
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socialising
specialising
in
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
or taking
crucial
Correct article usage
a crucial
show examples
part among civilians is an essential action.
Although
people
do not own
money
they still have
energy
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the energy
show examples
to do so. As an
ilustration
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illustration
, one district in
south
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South
show examples
celebes
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celebs
Celebes
have
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has
show examples
a member
that is
poor, but they always
take
Correct your spelling
make
show examples
effort
Correct article usage
an effort
show examples
to help others as long as he can do it.
As a
result
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result,
show examples
people
exhibtit
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exhibit
respect
respons
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response
and
adreess
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address
him as a rich person.
On the other hand
,
well-to-do-family
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well-to-do families
show examples
have an obligation to pay attention
what
Change preposition
to what
show examples
happen in their
environtment
Correct your spelling
environment
. It is because in human
being
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beings
show examples
in
term
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terms
show examples
of
surviving
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survival
show examples
,
people
are not able to live without other
people
as social creatures. The rich
people
can allocate their
money
to their
colosed
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close
closed
relatives or even their
neighbors
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neighbours
show examples
, funding
money
to help poor
people
meet their needs.
For instance
,
people
in
indonesia
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Indonesia
show examples
possess a traditional culture called ‘gotong royong’. It is evident that if there is an individual
encounter
Fix the agreement mistake
encounters
show examples
difficulties,
people
who have much
money
can help them to cope with their
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
and giving some
money
is
on
Correct your spelling
one
show examples
of the solutions. In
conclussion
Correct your spelling
conclusion
, even though the terms of being rich have
wider
Add an article
a wider
show examples
meaning, I strongly believe that wealthy
people
are not always about
money
,
however
the most important is
an
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ability to help other
people
who
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
.
That is
a priceless thing.
Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on

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Grammar & Clarity
Ensure to proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and improve clarity in some sentences.
Sentence Variety
Experiment with more varied sentence structures to enhance the flow of ideas and keep the reader's interest.
Idea Development
Try to further develop your ideas with a bit more depth in some paragraphs, providing more detailed examples or explanations.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the prompt, presenting a clear stance on the topic and backing up your opinions with logical reasoning.
Organization
Your essay demonstrates good cohesion and coherence with a clear introduction, logical development of ideas, and a coherent conclusion.
Use of Examples
You've provided relevant examples to support your main points, effectively illustrating your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
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