IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3

Some people say industrial growth is necessary to solve poverty, while some believe it should be stopped due to environmental problem it creates. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #growth #poverty #believe
Industrial growth is useful for eradicating
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty
however
 it should be stopped to prevent
Correct article usage
the detrioration
show examples
detrioration
Correct your spelling
deterioration
 of
global
Add an article
the global
show examples
 environment. I
am
Verb problem
have
show examples
ascertain
Wrong verb form
ascertained
show examples
 that
rise
Correct article usage
the rise
show examples
 of manufacturing hubs can be
helful
Correct your spelling
helpful
 in abolishing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poverty by providing more jobs without any damage to the environment. On the one hand, people opine that
exponential
Correct article usage
the exponential
show examples
 establishment of new factories for production is damaging
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
severly
Correct your spelling
severely
 and is more effectively creating chaos rather than helping
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
humans. Air pollution and dumping of waste
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 degrading air quality and soil fertility as well which would be
disastroius
Correct your spelling
disastrous
 for upcoming generations.
Therefore
, manufacturing units should be strictly limited to produce
ony
Correct your spelling
only
utmost
Correct your spelling
the most
show examples
 important products for humanity.
On the other hand
, people like me opine that deprivation can be solved only by
industiral
Correct your spelling
industrial
 growth as
this
tend
Correct subject-verb agreement
tends
show examples
 to be
biggest
Correct article usage
the biggest
show examples
 job generator for society. One of the most important
aspect
Change to a plural noun
aspects
show examples
 of
social
Correct article usage
the social
show examples
 economy is
spending
Add an article
the spending
a spending
show examples
 of money which can only be achieved through employment and it is directly
propotional
Correct your spelling
proportional
 to
regular
Correct article usage
the regular
show examples
 income of citizens.
This
 shows the importance of production units. In
nutshell
Correct article usage
a nutshell
show examples
, I would say that impoverishment
elmination
Correct your spelling
elimination
 can be attained only if people get
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 and
this
 could be accomplished by industrial growth.
Submitted by dhindsa.randeep on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task achievement
Ensure a balanced discussion of both viewpoints before giving your opinion. Structuring your essay with clear, separate paragraphs for each viewpoint, followed by your opinion, makes it easier to follow.
Language
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to express your ideas more precisely and to avoid repetition.
Supporting details
To strengthen your argument, include more detailed examples and explanations for each viewpoint. This provides stronger support for your analysis and makes your argument more convincing.
Coherence and cohesion
To improve coherence, try to use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas more smoothly across paragraphs. Also, organizing your paragraphs clearly around one main idea can help with overall cohesion.
Structure
You clearly presented a topic sentence in each paragraph, which helps orient the reader to the main idea being discussed.
Conclusion
Your conclusion successfully summarizes your viewpoints and reiterates your opinion, providing a clear closure to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: