Nowadays, there are more workers working from home and more students are studying from home due to the fact that that computer technology is more and more easily accessible and cheaper. Do you think it is positive or negative?
These days, numerous
of
responsible Change preposition
apply
persons
for Replace the word
people
Add an article
the job
a job
job
are working from Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
house
and Correct article usage
the house
also
pupils are learning from flat
Correct article usage
the flat
,
because computer technology is Remove the comma
apply
top-notch
attainable and reasonable price. Add an article
a top-notch
While
there are some positive
of Fix the agreement mistake
positives
this
, like increased flexibility and work-life balance for employees and students, there are negatives, such
as effect
on physical Correct article usage
the effect
health
due to
prolonged screen time
and lack of physical activity.
On the one hand, there are clear arguments that distance
studying and working is generally beneficial with flexible time
and work-life balance for employees and learners. This
is because,
they can work to account Remove the comma
apply
into
their situation and free Change preposition
for
time
. As a consequence
, they can achieve their goals. For example
, I made agreements with teacher
Add an article
the teacher
a teacher
while
he was teaching english
, and typically we organise online lessons at 8:00 p.m at night. If Change the capitalization
English
distance
reading and running did
not Verb problem
were
be
our life, diverse chaos would arise Verb problem
apply
our
occupation.
In conclusion, Change preposition
in our
this
is the very online that give
us facilities and flexibility Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
is
very useful for all humans.
Correct word choice
and is
On the other hand
, earning money and Wrong verb form
getting
get
knowledge from Wrong verb form
getting
distance
Verb problem
apply
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
effect
Add an article
the effect
an effect
Change preposition
apply
on
physical Change preposition
apply
health
due to
expanded screen hours and not enough physical activity. This
is the main reason can be
that Verb problem
apply
crowd
sat to operate so much so that they Correct article usage
the crowd
forget
to look after their well-being. Wrong verb form
forgot
For instance
, distance
learning and function arised
Correct your spelling
arise
arose
while
Covid 19 disease was spreading globalization. Statistics show that about 38% people
face Change preposition
of people
to
eye diseases in Germany Change preposition
apply
as a result
of online working and studying. If via
the internet education and employment Change preposition
apply
did
not Verb problem
were
organise
, humans would live far from Wrong verb form
organised
some
illness.In Correct quantifier usage
apply
summarize
, Replace the word
summary
this
is risky for health
, therefore
I would not suggest operating and studying via the internet
.
Capitalize word
Internet
To conclude
, some workers and students prefer online to offline. While
there are
truth to Change the verb form
is
this
belief, such
as time
management and facilities, I would be disagree
Change the verb form
disagree
this
view of point for Change preposition
with this
affect
Replace the word
effect
to
Change preposition
on
health
.Submitted by soglomovsarvar on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
clarity
Your essay lacks clarity and precision in expressing your main ideas. Focus on writing clear and concise sentences to improve understanding.
task achievement
You should provide more detailed and relevant examples to support your arguments. This will strengthen your response and make it more persuasive.
coherence
Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that outlines the main point. Ensure that subsequent sentences support this point to improve coherence and cohesion.
content
Your essay addresses both positive and negative aspects of working and studying from home, providing a balanced perspective.
structure
You included an introduction and a conclusion, which is essential to giving your essay a clear structure.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example