There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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Nowadays, many children are facing too much stress to achieve success in academic subjects because of higher competition and scores required from parents and teachers. I think
this
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kind of stress is not relatively good for health as it may be able to cause depression
even
Correct word choice
and even
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death among teenagers.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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it is not a brilliant idea for schools to just teach academic subjects like math. I will give my reasons in
this
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essay.
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Structure & Development
Try to expand your essay by providing a more detailed introduction, developing your arguments in body paragraphs, and including a clear conclusion. This structure helps clarify your position and argument.
Support & Examples
Support your points with more specific examples or personal experiences. This makes your argument more convincing and personalised.
Cohesion & Flow
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and that the ideas connect logically to each other. Use transition words to help with the flow of your essay.
Clarity of Position
You have a clear stance on the topic, which is good. It's important to maintain this clarity throughout the essay.
Topic Relevance
The topic of your essay is relevant and timely, touching on an important issue in education today.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
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