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Band 5.5

In the past, most working people had only one job. However, nowadays, more and more people have more than one job at the same time. What are the reasons for this development? What are the advantages and disadvantages of having more than one job?

#people #job #time #development
It is a known fact that individuals have multiple employments in the current time period. In
this
essay
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essay,
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 I will be discussing the various factors responsible for
this
 trend
as well as
 the benefits and drawbacks
for
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of
show examples
 the same. The primary reason causing the upsurge of
this
 situation is the rising inflation around the world. Events
such
 as the 2008 economic crisis and
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 covid pandemic can
be hold
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be held
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 accountable for the escalation of inflation.
Due to
this
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this,
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 the citizens were unable to cope
up
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apply
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with
increase
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the increase
an increase
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 in
cost
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the cost
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 of goods and
hence
 had to join multiple jobs.
For instance
, a news article showed an increase
of
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in
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 inflation by up to 20%
post pandemic
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post-pandemic
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.
In addition
 to
this
, the newer generation lives a more materialistic lifestyle these days compared to the past,
due to
 which they spend more on their wants than their actual needs.
This
 has made
more
Correct pronoun usage
it more
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 money-oriented, which could be a rationale behind one opting for multiple shifts presently. Now, talking about the benefits of
this
 situation, performing numerous jobs provides a sense of financial security. People these days have several debts and daily expenses to pay and if one
looses
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loses
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 a job
then
 they could be put in a distressing position.
Therefore
, having multiple
occupation
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occupations
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 is essential.
Additionally
, another advantage would be an extra disposable income which can quench one’s materialistic wants.
In contrast
, the chief drawback that
coexist
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coexists
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 with
this
 development is the excessive mental and physical stress that people incorporate
in
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into
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 their lives. Job burnout is the new normal currently
due to
 chronic workplace stress. In conclusion, having
manifold
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a manifold
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 occupation does provide financial stability, but it does
comes
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come
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 with
it
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its
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 own set of challenges.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance clarity and coherence, ensure your paragraphs are neatly structured and each new idea is introduced clearly. This helps in maintaining a smooth flow of information throughout the essay.
Task Achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, aim to integrate a wider range of examples and deeper analysis into your arguments. While your response covers the task well, adding more varied and detailed examples could provide additional depth to your discussion.
Comprehensive Coverage
You've effectively covered both parts of the question, discussing reasons for the trend as well as advantages and disadvantages.
Logical Structure
Your essay demonstrates a good logical structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Supported Main Points
Use of relevant examples and clear main points support your arguments well, making your essay informative and engaging.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Economic stability
  • Multiple income streams
  • Gig economy
  • Freelance work
  • Contract work
  • Professional development
  • Financial security
  • Job market
  • Diversified income
  • Burnout
  • Skill set
  • Networking opportunities
  • Work-life balance
  • Mental well-being
  • Time management
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