IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Information technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace. Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Technological advancements and cutting-edge gadgets' creation have brought many advantages to human beings, one of the foremost being remote work.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, many people argue that working from home has many advantages that should be leveraged,
while
Linking Words
 many others think that the drawbacks outweigh the benefits. I believe that both sides should be considered, and in
this
Linking Words
 essay, I explain in detail my point of view. To start with, working remotely rocketed when the COVID-19 pandemic began,
however
Linking Words
, nowadays its popularity has increased dramatically.
This
Linking Words
 is related to its main advantages given by saving time and money,
thus
Linking Words
 there is a reduction in the stipends spent on commuting, which could represent 20% or 30% of the total expenses,
as well as
Linking Words
 many hours should be travelled (consistency) since there are long distances.
For example
Linking Words
, in Bogota, the transportation system is called 'Transmilenio' which costs approximately 3.000 Colombian pesos per person, and hundreds of people take more than one hour to arrive home
due to
Linking Words
 the traffic conditions.
In contrast
Linking Words
, some demerits should be enumerated where, perhaps, social skills and socialization are the most vital topics. Since societies have been created, humans have had a huge capacity to talk and relate to each other.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, working from residential areas has cut off these relationships leading to an increase in many psychiatric disorders.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Japan, many mental issues
such
Linking Words
 as depression and anxiety have peaked
due to
Linking Words
 levels of stress with less personal interactions.
To sum up
Linking Words
, there are merits and downsides that should be taken into account when remote work is being considered.
Therefore
Linking Words
, employees' opinions should be evaluated
as well as
Linking Words
 social conditions, and
then
Linking Words
 alternatives should be proposed
such
Linking Words
 as hybrid programs.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction Clarity
Try to provide a clearer introductory statement that directly addresses the essay question, delineating your stance on whether the benefits outweigh the disadvantages from the onset.
Sentence Variety
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance readability and demonstrate a wider range of grammatical complexity.
Argumentation Consistency
Ensure consistency in your argumentation by directly linking each paragraph's main idea back to your thesis, stating explicitly how each point supports your overall position on the topic.
Language Precision
Work on the precision of language, especially when quantifying benefits or disadvantages, to make your examples and arguments more compelling.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay provides a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages of remote work, which is essential for a comprehensive Task Response.
Effective Use of Examples
You effectively use examples, such as the situation in Bogota and Japan, to support your points, demonstrating a good ability to relate your arguments to real-world scenarios.
Effective Organization
The structure of your essay is well-organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs for each viewpoint, and a summarizing conclusion, aiding in overall coherence and cohesion.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: