Many animal species in the world are becoming extinct nowadays. Some people say that countries and individuals should protect these animals from dying out, while others say we should concentrate more on problems of human beings. Discuss both views and give your opinion
In the modern world , majority of the animals have disappeared. It is a debatable question , who is responsible for alleviating
this
problem?whether,
the general public and nations or human beings as a wholeRemove the comma
apply
.
I partly agree with Change the punctuation
?
this
assertion and this
essay will acknowledge the validity of this
statement and elaborates on my reason.
On the one
hand , many animal species are vanished around the world . Rapid growth of population as well as
urbanisation are the major causes while
Correct article usage
the government
government
failure to take measures to prevent the forest is Change noun form
government's
one
of the reasons.For instance
, cutting down trees which are shelters for forest living things for the construction of houses with wood and occupying their space .As a result
, they are unable to go anywhere rather than die .More funds should be allotted for zoos by the authorities.In addition
to that bushfires are one
of the reasons for extinction because they are unable to migrate during fire.
On the other hand
, human beings play a crucial role in conservative of the
forest creatures. People should start adopting the animals to save them Correct article usage
apply
instead
of hunting them .For example
, one
of the celebrities in India hunt
a deer and kills with a gun just for fun and in some African countries kill for their food .If Correct subject-verb agreement
hunts
this
continues,the next generation of kids have to see what we are doing for dinosaurs.
To sum up
, it is a
Correct article usage
the
responsible
of human beings, the public Replace the word
responsibility
as well
as
nations to protect their lives . Measures can be taken to control deforestation for construction . Correct word choice
and
Furthermore
, the allocation of huge funds for the zoo parks . However
, humans stop killing them for food and entertainment.Submitted by nikhilguni on
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Introduction & Conclusion
Your introduction and conclusion are present, but they should more clearly present the topic and your opinion. Try starting with a straightforward statement of the topic and end with a clear summary of your stance.
Paragraph Structure
Work on developing more logically structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should ideally start with a clear topic sentence, followed by supporting sentences, and a concluding or transitional sentence.
Supporting Examples
You've included relevant examples, like the celebrity hunting in India and deforestation for construction, but aim to integrate them more seamlessly into your argument. Provide a bit more detail on how they support your main points.
Task Response Balance
For a complete task response, ensure that you discuss both views mentioned in the task equally and provide a clear, well-supported opinion.
Content Relevance
You successfully identified key issues affecting animal species and touched upon various causes from deforestation to illegal hunting. These points demonstrate an understanding of the topic's complexity.
Example Usage
Use of examples like celebrity hunting and deforestation shows an effort to use specific details to support your argument.