Many people around the world use social media everyday to keep in touch with other people and get news events. Do you think advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the technology ear, there is a statement that using social
media
to update
news
as well as
connecting
Wrong verb form
connect
show examples
with
people
around the globe is known as a daily ordinary activity. I personally believe
this
development offers significant advantages for both
users
and society
than
Change preposition
over
show examples
their cons. First and foremost, social
media
have become a major way for
community
Add an article
the community
a community
show examples
to connect and stay informed. Social
media
as Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and
Whatsapp
Correct your spelling
WhatsApp
show examples
allow
users
to share updates, pictures, videos and messages with their networks.
This
convenience supports
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
in keeping in touch with their loved ones despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
geographical issues, reconnecting with old friends or even building new relationships with
people
who share the same interests. Especially, in covid pandemic period 3 years ago, when lockdowns and social distancing measures were in place, social
media
became a lifeline for many families to stay in touch with isolated loved ones.
Hence
, staying connected is an incredible function which social
media
offers to humans.
Moreover
, to society, social
media
have become one of the major factors for developing countries. Platforms like
Youtube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
,
Correct word choice
and Twitters
show examples
Twitters
Fix the agreement mistake
Twitter
show examples
are often where breaking
news
stories first surface. public can
also
follow new outlets and journalists on social platforms to get their latest
news
update or their perspectives on current
news
.
For instance
,
people
with business occupations or investments, require a huge amount of plash information, especially related to the world economy, politics and market fluctuations, and with social
media
Add a comma
media,
show examples
they are able to get that quickly.
Otherwise
, citizens thanks to minutes updating
news
on social
media
, are able to prepare sooner for some dangerous diseases
upcoming
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
or
environment
Replace the word
environmental
show examples
disasters.
Therefore
, staying informed is
absolutely
Add an article
an absolutely
show examples
essential requirement for
people
on Earth.
Nevertheless
, excessive social
media
use can cause addiction and mental health problems.
People
nowadays tend to rely on using mobile phones or laptops to surf social
media
which leads to social
media
addiction and decreases work efficiency.
Moreover
, overusing technological devices is one of the main factors for physical and psychological issues, which are eye problems, easily get anxiety
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
and depression.
For example
, in Vietnam, the figure of young
people
get
Correct pronoun usage
who get
show examples
depression
have
Wrong verb form
has been
show examples
reported to increase by 20% each year
due to
using mobile phones for TikTok, Facebook and other social
media
for more than 8 hours per day.
As a result
, social
media
usage with limitations could cause several problems to
users
, especially for mental health. In conclusion, despite the potential danger to
users
' health, social
media
clearly contributes to society with connection ability and information transformation.
Submitted by mainht88 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Vocabulary & Sentence Structure
To improve your score, focus on varying your sentence structures and incorporating a wider range of vocabulary. This will make your writing more engaging and demonstrate your language proficiency.
Grammar & Spelling
Be cautious of minor grammatical inaccuracies and spelling errors. Proofreading your essay can help you identify and correct these mistakes, which will enhance the overall clarity and professionalism of your writing.
Supporting Arguments
You've done an excellent job of clearly stating your opinion and supporting it with relevant examples and explanations. This strengthens your argument and engages the reader.
Organization & Structure
Your essay presents a well-organized structure, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This organization aids in the reader's understanding and follows the expected format.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • facilitate
  • geographically separated
  • fostering
  • connectivity
  • instant communication
  • real-time information
  • misinformation
  • rigorous checks and balances
  • fake news
  • addictive nature
  • detract
  • face-to-face interactions
  • mental health
  • awareness of limitations
What to do next:
Look at other essays: