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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Tourism brings some problems. discuss about causes and what are the solutions.

#tourism
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By developing mobility and roads, the increasing number of private cars, and enlisting air transportation, people go far and far, even into another country, in leisure and holidays in comparison with one decade ago.
This
Linking Words
 extension creates an international
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry and as we expected, brings some problems for the
environment
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. In the following, the problems are discussed and the practical solutions for them are proposed. The first and most important problem is the pressure on
water
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. By gathering the unusual and large number of people in one place, the regular usage of
water
Use synonyms
 on
this
Linking Words
 land is increasing dramatically, so the storage of
water
Use synonyms
 for future generations is used before it can be replaced.
This
Linking Words
 kind of
water
Use synonyms
 usage destroyed the
environment
Use synonyms
 in a short time. To solve
this
Linking Words
 problem, strongly recommended to take a short shower and do the best you can in saving
water
Use synonyms
. The second problem is the dangers of the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry for
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rare and local animals. Accommodation the extra people needed land and the destruction of these lands eliminated the home of animals and the
environment
Use synonyms
 they lived
.
Change preposition
in.
show examples
 Staying in local types of houses
instead
Linking Words
 of luxury hotels and using the local amenities
instead
Linking Words
 of modern industrial facilities could prevent land destruction. At
last
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 the
tourism
Use synonyms
 industry could bring some undesirable environmental problems for destination places, by changing our taste and treatment in vacations and using so-called green
tourism
Use synonyms
 we could minimize the damage to the ecosystem and
environment
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by hamid.mansouri on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and is developed coherently. Consider using a wider range of linking words to enhance flow.
Task Achievement
For a higher score, provide more detailed and varied examples to support your points. Also, consider expanding on the analysis of causes and solutions for a more comprehensive response.
Structure
You provided a structured response, with clear paragraphs for introduction, body, and conclusion.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the task with relevant examples and proposes clear solutions to the problems discussed.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of topic sentences to introduce the main points in each paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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