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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.

The three pie charts provide information about the percentage of degrees granted in terms of four different professions at the National University over the period in question.
#three #information #percentage #degrees #terms #four #professions #university #period
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The three pie charts illustrate
degrees
Use synonyms
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
granted
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
National
Correct article usage
the National
show examples
 University over a period of 20 years since 1990. The bar chart divided
degrees
Use synonyms
 into 4 categories which are Computer Science, Medicine, Law and Business.
Overall
Linking Words
, it shows a trend of growth in Computer Science
degrees
Use synonyms
 being granted,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, Business graduates
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a tendency of decline.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 Computer Science
degrees
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
gradually increased from 30% in 1990 to 45% in 2010.
Whereas
Linking Words
, Business graduates steadily declined from 30% in 1990 to 15% in 2010.which
nearly
Add a missing verb
is nearly
show examples
 half of what . Medicine graduates
have
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 a 5% increase in 2000
then
Linking Words
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 back to
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 original 25% in 2010.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, Law students
lose
Wrong verb form
lost
show examples
 5% in 2000
then
Linking Words
 increased back to 15% in 2010. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 the rates of
degrees
Use synonyms
 fluctuate from 1990-2010
Submitted by shirley772023 on

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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words degrees with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decline" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • percentages
  • professions
  • industry demands
  • societal trends
  • gender distribution
  • equality
  • persistent gender gaps
  • job market
  • supply and demand
  • employment challenges
  • technological advancements
  • economic conditions
  • policy changes
  • societal shifts
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