The bar chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013

The bar chart below compares the percentage of time Australian mothers and fathers spent helping their children with four activities in 2013
The bar chart compares the amount of
time
that parents spent supporting their kids with four tasks in Australia in 2013.  
Overall
,
while
children
spent most of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
learning to dress and doing home tasks with their
mothers
, the amount of
time
spent preparing for bed and playing games was the major
time
of both parents. Regarding dressing,
children
learned to dress 75% of the
time
from their
mothers
, spent 2% of that
time
with their
fathers
and spent 23% of that
time
with both of them.
Likewise
,
mothers
assisted
doing
Change preposition
in doing
show examples
homeworks
Correct your spelling
homework
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
their kids half of
their
Change the word
the
show examples
time
, almost 40% of that
time
they spent together and in 10% of cases
fathers
helped.
On the other hand
, parents spent 69% of
time
Correct pronoun usage
their time
show examples
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games
together with
children
, 25% of that
time
with only
mothers
and the
last
6% with
fathers
.
Moreover
, the
children
learnt
preparing
Change the verb form
to prepare
show examples
their bed 43% of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
from
mothers
Correct pronoun usage
their mothers
show examples
, 6% of
time
Add an article
the time
show examples
from
fathers
Correct pronoun usage
their fathers
show examples
and the
last
51% of
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
time
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
spent together.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "last".
Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words time, children, mothers, fathers with synonyms.
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "compares" in your introduction.
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.

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