IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000.

The graphs show the changes in the UK industry steel between 1970 and 2000.
#graphs #show #changes #uk #industry #steel
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The line graph gives data on changes in
steel
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 between 1970 and 2000;
therefore
Linking Words
, the next chart shows how many workers there were during that period.
Overall
Linking Words
, at
this
Linking Words
 stage,
total
Correct article usage
the total
show examples
 demand for
steel
Use synonyms
 and the production of
steel
Use synonyms
 in the
UK
Use synonyms
 decreased,
also
Linking Words
 the number of employees in the
steel
Use synonyms
 industry. but the import of
steel
Use synonyms
 grew. The line graphs show that the total
UK
Use synonyms
 demand and production of
steel
Use synonyms
 decreased gradually; demand for
steel
Use synonyms
 dropped to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 100k in 2000, and production in the
UK
Use synonyms
 decreased to
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 70k in 1990.
Then
Linking Words
 the next 10 years
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
steable
Correct your spelling
stable
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 employment in
Use synonyms
steel
Correct article usage
the steel
show examples
 industry declined
40000
Change preposition
by 40000
show examples
 in 1980. Importing
steel
Use synonyms
 to the
UK
Use synonyms
 had changes in 40 years;
1980
Change preposition
in 1980
show examples
 it observed
near
Change the word
nearly
show examples
 49k, the next decade it
over
Add a missing verb
was over
show examples
 50k. It reached pick points in 2000
approximately
Change preposition
at approximately
show examples
 55k. Meanwhile,
number
Change the article
a number
the number
show examples
 of
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in
industry
Add an article
the industry
show examples
 significantly
fall
Wrong verb form
fell
show examples
 dawn from 40k to 20k in 1990.
Linking Words
This
Correct determiner usage
These
show examples
 numbers went on to decline
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 19k in 2000.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words steel, uk, k with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "graph" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "decreased" was used 3 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: