Completing university is thought be syme to be the best way to get a good job. On the other hand, other people think that getting experience and dveloping soft skills is more important. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.
There is no denying the fact that getting a job has become more difficult
ecpecialy
after COVID-19. Correct your spelling
especially
While
it is a commonly held belief that getting Correct article usage
a bacholer
bacholer
degree is Correct your spelling
bachelor
bachelors
essitial
for finding a good Correct your spelling
essential
joob
, there is Correct your spelling
job
also
an argment
that Correct your spelling
argument
gitting
experience and improving soft skills Correct your spelling
getting
is
more crucial. Change the verb form
are
This
essay will analyze this
topic from both points of view and express my opinion.
On one
hand, nowadays, the Correct article usage
the one
opprotunities
have become Correct your spelling
opportunities
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
regard
Replace the word
regarding
jobs
, with the improving
in technology. Replace the word
improvement
In other words
, if the person do
not Change the verb form
does
persue
college, finding a job that has Correct your spelling
pursue
high
salary is almost Correct article usage
a high
impposiple
. Correct your spelling
impossible
For example
, Half Milion cafe oppend
the first branch with zero Correct your spelling
opened
append
humen
employe, Correct your spelling
human
consequently
there are 15 to 20 jobs
removed from only one branch.
On the other hand
, some jobs
can not be teached
in universities. Correct your spelling
taught
In other words
, how to make money is a topic which universities does
not teach. Most of the Correct subject-verb agreement
do
wealthest
people do not work for the same major which they Correct your spelling
wealthiest
studies
in university. Change the verb form
study
Moreover
, some skills are improved with practicing
. Replace the word
practice
For example
, marketing is one of the jobs
which requier
training.
In conclusion, there Correct your spelling
require
no
easy answers to Add a missing verb
are no
this
question. On balancr
, Correct your spelling
balance
however
, I tend to believe that both ways is
Change the verb form
are
essincial
for having Correct your spelling
essential
good
job, so everyone has to get a degree and improve his soft skills and practice.Change the article
a good
Submitted by Aljawir3 on
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Structure
Your essay does a good job of introducing the topic and presenting both sides of the argument before stating your own opinion. This structure helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, working on the organization and transitioning between ideas within paragraphs could enhance clarity and cohesion.
Support
Providing clear and specific examples to support your points will make your arguments more compelling. While you mentioned examples, such as the Half Milion cafe, clarifying and expanding on these examples would improve task achievement.
Accuracy
Pay attention to spelling, grammar, and typing errors. While your essay conveys your ideas, frequent errors might distract the reader and impact the overall clarity. Using tools or practicing proofreading can help minimize these mistakes.
Development
Practice developing your ideas further by explaining how they relate to the question. This will not only strengthen your argument but also show a deeper understanding of the topic which is important for higher scores.
Task Response
You effectively covered both views and provided your own opinion in conclusion, demonstrating a good understanding of the essay task.
Use of Examples
You attempted to use examples to support your points, which is a good practice. Refining how you integrate these examples will further improve your score.
Word Count
IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.
A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.
Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.