In their advertising, businesses nowadays usually emphasise that their products are new in some way. Why is this? Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

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In these
Change preposition
These
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days, many companies illustrate that their
products
Use synonyms
are modern
while
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marketing. In
this
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report
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report,
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I will go through the positive and negative effects of
this
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development,
then
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allow me to share my position. Making new outcomes every year is attractive, helpful,
profitable
Correct word choice
and profitable
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; as a
consequense
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consequence
, facilities try to show that their outputs are new by mentioning that in the
adevrtisment
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advertisement
. Because people believe that being new equals having good qualities and better performance. Many benefits resulted
of
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from
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making annual outcomes;
for example
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, causing more profits. studies presented that buying new
producte
Correct your spelling
products
product
supessas
Correct your spelling
surpasses
suppresses
buying the old ones, so companies do their best to present new
products
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.
Moreover
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, doing
this
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help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
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fixing
Wrong verb form
fix
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the previous mistakes,
for
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this
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reason, customers choose the modern models
instead
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of the antiques.
Although
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the points above are strong, there are opposite points which hold equal strength. The first one is consuming a lot of money, many articles indicated that companies throw the old
products
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away when they make new ones because
Rephrase
no none
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none
Correct your spelling
one
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buy
Correct subject-verb agreement
buys
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them.
As a result
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, many facilities suffer from not having enough
incomes
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income
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.
Additionally
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, some businesses do not have enough money so they lie about that, which leads to not
believe
Wrong verb form
believing
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the
advertisments
Correct your spelling
advertisements
.
For example
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, a survey showed that the majority of humankind do not think they are honest. In conclusion,
although
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the two attitudes are strong, I am certain that showing that
products
Use synonyms
are new is beneficial, helpful, and strategic.
As a result
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, the positives overcome the negatives.
Submitted by haneenalnetaif on

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Example Clarity
Work on including more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This will make your points more convincing and grounded in reality.
Paragraph Transitions
Try to improve the flow and connections between paragraphs. Using transitional phrases can help your essay read more smoothly.
Spelling and Grammar
Be careful with spelling and grammar, particularly with the correct form of words ('advertisment' should be 'advertisement', 'outcomes' should be 'products', 'supessas' seems to be a typo).
Vocabulary Variety
Consider a more varied vocabulary to express your points. Repeating words such as 'new', 'products', and 'companies' could be substituted with synonyms to enhance readability.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, providing a balanced discussion.
Strong Conclusion
You have a clear conclusion that succinctly summarizes your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emphasise
  • advertising
  • products
  • innovation
  • competitive strategy
  • consumer dissatisfaction
  • value
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