IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society.

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Some individuals say there are a plethora of
strenghts
Correct your spelling
strengths
 to working at
same
Add an article
the same
show examples
 company for a long time
whereas
Linking Words
 some say changing
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
jobs may be beneficial to themselves rather than doing the same. There are both advantages and disadvantages regarding
to
Remove the preposition
apply
show examples
the job transition.
This
Linking Words
 essay will describe those thoughts with encouraging aspects. Many believe that working for a company is significantly useful in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of higher benefits after
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 long period.
For example
Linking Words
, individuals doing the same occupation for ten years could obtain offering abroad trip with their
Correct your spelling
colleagues
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
 and
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
show examples
propotion
Correct your spelling
proportion
 of
providend
Correct your spelling
provident
provided
providing
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
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promotion
while
Linking Words
 a new officer who has started for six months has not qualified
Change preposition
for those
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those
Change preposition
for those
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 benefits.
Moreover
Linking Words
, another essential reason supporting
this
Linking Words
 aspect is being a professional
particularly
Add the comma(s)
, particularly
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 in
demanding
Correct article usage
a demanding
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 industry.
For instance
Linking Words
, an accountant
Consequently
Linking Words
, the more experience you have the easier you will get a promotion in the same business operation.
Conversely
Linking Words
,
On the other hand
Linking Words
, many say
transition
Add an article
the transition
show examples
 of work from the current to another firm might significantly encourage you rather than the opposite aspect mentioned above.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is obvious that the transition might be a challenging opportunity with
new
Correct article usage
a new
show examples
 surrounding environment including connections.
For example
Linking Words
, moving to a larger firm which is a leading corporation
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
IT
Correct article usage
the IT
show examples
 industry could lead to demanding
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
show examples
 in the global market
due to
Linking Words
 a great connection of
collegues
Correct your spelling
colleagues
.
Linking Words
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the thought above, there are a few weaknesses of the alteration in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of
working life
Add a hyphen
working-life
show examples
 adaptation in order to align with the new surroundings.
To conclude
Linking Words
, doing the same job or altering to the new might be essentially useful for individuals who have
Correct article usage
an obviuos
show examples
obviuos
Correct your spelling
obvious
 purpose with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 clear direction.
However
Linking Words
, every
making
Verb problem
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
decision
of changing
Change preposition
to change
show examples
venture
Correct article usage
a venture
show examples
 should mainly depend on individual
purpose
Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
show examples
.

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Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay provides a good introduction to the topic and a clear conclusion, which is great for guiding the reader. However, the conclusion could be more detailed in summarizing the arguments presented.
Coherence
To improve coherence, try to ensure a smoother transition between ideas. Using linking words effectively can help make your essay flow better.
Examples
Providing specific examples to support your points will make your arguments more convincing. Try to include more detailed examples related to the topic.
Language Accuracy
Watch out for spelling errors ('strenghts', 'propotion', 'collegues') and incorrect word usage. These can distract from your message. Using a spellchecker or reading your essay back can help catch these errors.
Task Response
You effectively outlined both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Structure
The structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized.
Sentence Variety
You've used a variety of sentence structures, which adds interest to your writing. Working on accuracy will make this even stronger.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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