Some people say that individuals should change jobs during their working life often while others believe that doing the same job has advantages to individuals, companies, and society.
Some individuals say there are a plethora of
strenghts
to working at Correct your spelling
strengths
same
company for a long time Add an article
the same
whereas
some say changing a
jobs may be beneficial to themselves rather than doing the same. There are both advantages and disadvantages regarding Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
to
the job transition. Remove the preposition
apply
This
essay will describe those thoughts with encouraging aspects.
Many believe that working for a company is significantly useful in term
of higher benefits after Fix the agreement mistake
terms
the
long period. Correct article usage
a
For example
, individuals doing the same occupation for ten years could obtain offering abroad trip with their Correct your spelling
colleagues
collegues
and Correct your spelling
colleagues
Correct article usage
a higher
higher
Correct article usage
a higher
propotion
of Correct your spelling
proportion
providend
Correct your spelling
provident
provided
providing
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
with
promotion Change preposition
apply
while
a new officer who has started for six months has not qualified Change preposition
for those
those
benefits. Change preposition
for those
Moreover
, another essential reason supporting this
aspect is being a professional particularly
in Add the comma(s)
, particularly
demanding
industry. Correct article usage
a demanding
For instance
, an accountant Consequently
, the more experience you have the easier you will get a promotion in the same business operation. Conversely
,
On the other hand
, many say transition
of work from the current to another firm might significantly encourage you rather than the opposite aspect mentioned above. Add an article
the transition
Firstly
, it is obvious that the transition might be a challenging opportunity with new
surrounding environment including connections. Correct article usage
a new
For example
, moving to a larger firm which is a leading corporation of
Change preposition
in
IT
industry could lead to demanding Correct article usage
the IT
opportunity
in the global market Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
due to
a great connection of collegues
. Correct your spelling
colleagues
Similarly
Add a comma
Similarly,
with
the thought above, there are a few weaknesses of the alteration in Change preposition
to
term
of Fix the agreement mistake
terms
working life
adaptation in order to align with the new surroundings.
Add a hyphen
working-life
To conclude
, doing the same job or altering to the new might be essentially useful for individuals who have Correct article usage
an obviuos
obviuos
purpose with Correct your spelling
obvious
the
clear direction. Correct article usage
a
However
, every making
Verb problem
apply
a
decision Correct article usage
apply
of changing
Change preposition
to change
venture
should mainly depend on individual Correct article usage
a venture
purpose
.Fix the agreement mistake
purposes
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Introduction/Conclusion
Your essay provides a good introduction to the topic and a clear conclusion, which is great for guiding the reader. However, the conclusion could be more detailed in summarizing the arguments presented.
Coherence
To improve coherence, try to ensure a smoother transition between ideas. Using linking words effectively can help make your essay flow better.
Examples
Providing specific examples to support your points will make your arguments more convincing. Try to include more detailed examples related to the topic.
Language Accuracy
Watch out for spelling errors ('strenghts', 'propotion', 'collegues') and incorrect word usage. These can distract from your message. Using a spellchecker or reading your essay back can help catch these errors.
Task Response
You effectively outlined both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the topic.
Structure
The structure of your essay, including the introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, is well-organized.
Sentence Variety
You've used a variety of sentence structures, which adds interest to your writing. Working on accuracy will make this even stronger.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?