IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that now we can see films on our phones or tablets there is no need to go to the cinema. Others say that to be fully enjoyed, films need to be seen in a cinema. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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In today's world technology has become advanced and
people
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 are stuck with their busy work lifestyle. There are convenient ways to watch films on our phones, but some
people
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 try to watch
movies
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 in
cinema
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hall
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halls
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that
Correct word choice
so that
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 they can enjoy the
movie
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 well.
This
Linking Words
 essay
further
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 elaborates
both
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on both
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 views and I would like to give some opinions.
Firstly
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, I would like to illustrate my view of watching
movies
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 on our smart devices which we have access
all
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to all
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 the
time
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. There are some benefits
,
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apply
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 like we can save much
time
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 and money when watching
movies
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 on
phone
Correct article usage
the phone
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. Individuals travel by public transport and waste their
time
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 on the train during that
time
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 they can watch
movies
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 on the phone in that valuable
time
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.
Furthermore
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, if we plan to go out and watch a
movie
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 in
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cinema
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the cinema
a cinema
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, it will cost more money. Nowadays,
people
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 are
sacrificed
Wrong verb form
sacrificing
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 their leisure
time
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 and
focused
Verb problem
focusing on
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the
Change the word
their
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job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
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 to earn money. Probing ahead, there are some
people
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 who really
likes
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like
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 to enjoy their
time
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 outside the home.
On the other hand
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, when we visit
to
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apply
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the
cinema
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hall
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, we can feel a good vibe and give full attention to the
movie
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.
Moreover
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,
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cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
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hall
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 is well developed and equipped with more facilities which
people
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 can entertain
while
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 watching the
movie
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 like adjustable seats and eco sound systems. Most of the
time
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,
movies
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 have good technology to experience, and
movie
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cinema
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 is
best
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the best
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 place fell the quality of
product
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the product
a product
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.
To conclude
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, in my point of view, there
are
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is
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most
Add an article
a most
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 convenient way to watch a
movie
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 is in a
cinema
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hall
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 than
our
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on our
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 own mobile phone or tablet. The advantages of watching
movies
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 in
cinema
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 halls
out weights
Correct your spelling
outweigh
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 the advantages of watching
movies
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 at home.

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Introduction & Thesis Statement
Your introduction provides a good setup for the discussion, but to improve, make sure to directly address the topic by clearly stating the two contrasting views before presenting your own opinion.
Paragraph Structure
When presenting your arguments, try to clearly separate your paragraphs, one focusing on the benefits of watching movies on devices, and another on the benefits of going to the cinema. This will enhance the clarity of your essay.
Linking Words & Phrases
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. While you have foundational connectors, enhancing this aspect can make your arguments more coherent.
Conclusion
In your conclusion, succinctly restate your opinion and briefly summarize the key points made in your essay to strengthen the final impression.
Supporting Examples
Try to include more specific examples and evidence to support your points. This will make your arguments more persuasive and engaging.
Task Response
You have effectively addressed the topic by discussing both views and providing your own opinion.
Essay Structure
Your essay structure is generally good, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Convenience
  • Mobile Viewing
  • Cost-efficient
  • Time-efficient
  • Personalized experience
  • Immersive
  • Cinematic experience
  • Surround sound
  • Collective experience
  • Technical superiority
  • Sensory experience
  • Social hubs
  • Cultural events
  • Distractions
  • Preservation
  • Filmmaking art
  • Cinematographic nuances
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