Some people believe that the best way to improve the general well-being of schoolchildren is to make physical education compulsory in all schools. Others, however, think this world have little effect on overall health and that other measures are needed. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Nowadays many people consider that physical
education
will be necessary for schoolchildren because of the benefits to self-esteem and also
this
can have a significant positive impact on children
. In my opinion, each lessons
Change to a singular noun
lesson
has
important for offspring Verb problem
is
however
physical lessons
can be more benefical
for their Correct your spelling
beneficial
health
.
However
, other groups suggest that other theoretical lessons
will be more effective. In my opinion, physical lessons
are as essential as another part of education
and children
must be aware of this
.
To begin
with, physical activities have a significant impact on children
's mental health
and social skills. Moreover
, children
can learn how to adapt to group teams and socialise with each other also
another advantage may be cognitive development for instance
problem-solving and critical thinking can be vital , especially for children
. So, in this
way, offspring will be more productive in their field and also
this
has a fundamental positive effect particularly
on their mental Add the comma(s)
, particularly
health
.
In addition
, despite the physical education
also
other lessons
have a critical effect on the little-aged groups. For example
, they can learn theoretical thinking in maths and physics lessons
. Also
, some of them will be not interested in physical education
and forcing them to do physical activities will not be good for children
's mental health
for instance
they will be more talented in mathematical areas.
In conclusion, some people think physical learning will be compulsory in school; on the other hand
, other parts of the group believe that other lessons
can be their priority. They can be beneficial for children
's study however
forcing them can not be acceptable in the end.Submitted by muge2k on
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Introduction
To enhance your score, consider strengthening the introduction by directly addressing the essay question and stating your opinion more clearly. This will provide a solid foundation for your discussion.
Content Depth
Although your essay presents both views, incorporating more detailed examples and evidence would bolster your arguments and show a deeper understanding of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on creating clearer transitions between paragraphs to improve the flow of your essay. Using phrases that explicitly signal contrast or comparison can help.
Paragraph Development
Ensure all your ideas are fully developed. Each paragraph should have a clear main idea followed by specific examples or explanations.
Conclusion
Consider including a concluding paragraph that succinctly summarizes the main points of your essay and restates your opinion. This will provide a more satisfying closure to your argument.
Balance
Addressed both views on the importance of physical education and other academic disciplines.
Point Development
Acknowledged the importance of physical education for mental health and social skills, highlighting its multifaceted benefits.
Differentiation of perspective
Touched upon the need for a balanced educational curriculum that respects children's preferences and talents.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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