some people think that the olympic games are exciting events that bring other nations together. others say the olympics is a waste of money and the money could be better spent on other things. Discuss both view and give your own opinion.

In today modern’s age, the Olympic
games
can be understood as an entertaining form in order to bridge the gap between different
nations
.
However
, there are others who hold the opposite that the investment is too
wasting
Replace the word
waste
show examples
to spend on the
Olympics
and
people
Correct word choice
that people
show examples
should consider using
money
Add an article
the money
show examples
for worthy purposes. From my perspective, I believe that it is useless to hold the
Olympics
and the
money
should be invested in better things which are beneficial.
Initially
, the reason why
people
think the
Olympics
should
be hold
Change the verb form
be held
show examples
due
Add a missing verb
is due
show examples
to the effectiveness in terms of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
international diplomacy.
In other words
,
this
game is organized
for enhancing
Change preposition
to enhance
show examples
the relationship between
nations
and thereby boost economic efficiency through tourism or supporting each other in terms of education,
military
Correct word choice
and military
show examples
.
Moreover
,
this
show brings peace to
among
Change preposition
apply
show examples
nations
all over the world and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
people
from other
countries
have
a
Change the article
an
show examples
opportunity to communicate and exchange their
point
Fix the agreement mistake
points
show examples
of view with others
as well as
comprehending
Wrong verb form
comprehend
show examples
about traditions and cultures of other
countries
. To exemplify, a survey found that most
nations
take
Correct pronoun usage
that take
show examples
part in the Olympic
games
as a global event have a better relationship than
nations
which do not. Another point worth considering is the argument of spending
money
on holding the Olympic
games
because they believe it is wasting that the
Olympics
is hold
Change the verb form
is held
show examples
as the investment could be used for primary demands. It is true that the
Olympics
do not bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
clear benefits to
people
other than increasing the better relationship, but it is only the entertaining events or to be blunt, it is useless for human life.
For instance
, the
money
spending
Replace the word
spent
show examples
on
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
events could be spent on several issues
such
as education, medical research, food or accommodation problems because it
show
Change the verb form
shows
show examples
practical effectiveness, especially
poor
Change preposition
in poor
show examples
countries
and developing
countries
, holding
this
game may be a burden for them
due to
the huge expenditure.
Hence
, the
money
should be considered before being invested in
this
game and it is worth being
use
Change the form of the verb
used
show examples
for better purposes so as to bring
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
benefits to each country. In conclusion, despite the advantageous element of holding the
Olympics
give
Verb problem
apply
show examples
to the closeness of international relations, I strongly believe that the
money
is wasting and the
fund
Fix the agreement mistake
funds
show examples
investing
Wrong verb form
invested
show examples
in
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
games
should be used for essential problems
such
as health or education rather than wasting them in useless events as the
Olympics
.

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coherence cohesion
Work on sentence variety to enhance readability and coherence.
task achievement
Consider using more diverse vocabulary and precise expressions to convey your arguments more clearly.
task achievement
Ensure that your essay stays on topic and directly addresses the prompt throughout, including both views thoroughly before stating your opinion.
coherence cohesion
Review the usage of articles and prepositions to improve grammatical accuracy.
coherence cohesion
You effectively presented an introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your viewpoint clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay structure logically presents arguments for both views before stating a personal opinion, which helps in creating a coherent flow.
task achievement
You provided explanations and examples to support your points, enhancing the essay's persuasiveness.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

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