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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The graph illustrates the figure of three types of people who came to the museum over a span of 15 years from 1997 to 2012.

The graph illustrates the figure of three types of people who came to the museum over a span of 15 years from 1997 to 2012.
The graph illustrates the figure of three types of
people
Use synonyms
 who came to the museum over a span of 15
years
Use synonyms
 from 1997 to 2012.
Overall
Linking Words
, the number of adult
visitors
Use synonyms
 took the lead throughout the entire
while
Linking Words
 the
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
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 of guests who were under 15
years
Use synonyms
 old and special exhibition
visitors
Use synonyms
 decreased slightly and increased gradually, respectively. , In 1997,
visitors
Use synonyms
 who were at the adult age had about 300,100
people
Use synonyms
 came to the museum, and the figure
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reached its peak of 400,500 citizens in 2007 before the former
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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marginally declined to 380,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 2012. As
regard
Add a comma
regard,
show examples
 individuals who were below 15
years
Use synonyms
 old experienced a downward
trends
Correct the article-noun agreement
trend
show examples
, from 120,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1997 to 82,300
visitors
Use synonyms
 in 2012.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Special Exhibition Guests doubled
it’s
Replace the word
its
show examples
 figure,
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 approximately 28,000
people
Use synonyms
 in 1997 and went up to 42,000 individuals after 15
years
Use synonyms
.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 100%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, years, visitors with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "illustrates" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "figure" was used 3 times.
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