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Band 4.5

The linegraph below shows rubber duck exports from 2013 to 2017

#linegraph #rubber #duck #exports
The line graph compares the
number
 of
exports
 of robber
duck
Fix the agreement mistake
ducks
show examples
 to the four different kinds of countries between 2013 and 2017. To start with the
number
 of
exports
 of
rubber
duck
 to
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
, it was higher making up 30000,
while
 the
figure
 for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
,
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
stood at 20000 at the beginning of the
period
.After that the
exports
 of
rubber
duck
 to
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
 and
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 had
opposite
Add an article
an opposite
show examples
 path, the former increased slightly to around 32000,
while
 the latter saw a dramatic decline during the given second
period
 and
then
 they continued their opposite trend,
while
 the
number
 of
exports
 of
rubber
duck
 to
USA
 registered a rapid fall to approximately 22000, the
figure
 for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 recorded a
significantly
Change the adverb
significant
show examples
 growth in 2015.
Following
this
Add a comma
this,
show examples
 there was an
anormous
Correct your spelling
enormous
 rise in
USA
exports
,
while
 the
figure
 for
UK
Correct article usage
the UK
show examples
 continued its upward trend and
at the end
 of the
period
 the
figure
 reached a peak
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 40000. As for the
number
 of
exports
 of
rubber
duck
 to
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
show examples
, it made up to 10000 and the
figure
 increased significantly to 15000 in 2004
then
 there was a
period
 of stability at that level
following
this
, the
figure
 saw a dramatic decrease and reached a dip at 2000
at the end
 of the
period
.
Overall
, the the
number
 of
exports
 of
rubber
duck
 to
USA
Correct article usage
the USA
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 more than the other two different countries at the beginning of the
period
;
however
, the
figure
 for
EU
Correct article usage
the EU
show examples
 outranked the other two countries
at the end
 of the
period
.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure to use a variety of connecting words to improve the flow between ideas and paragraphs, increasing coherence.
task achievement
Pay attention to using clear and accurate data throughout your analysis to enhance the accuracy of your response.
coherence cohesion
Work on structuring your introduction and conclusion more effectively to clearly present the overview and summary of the data.
task achievement
Good effort in comparing and contrasting the data which improves task achievement.
coherence cohesion
Made an attempt to use a range of sentence structures which is positive for coherence.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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