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Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience or knowledge.

#people #crime #prison #sentences #alternative
A portion of
society
 believes that long imprisonment of the guilty is the ideal method to get down the
crime
 rates
while
 the rest argues that there are
subsitiute
Correct your spelling
substitute
methods
 to do it. Generally, long punishments waste
producive
Correct your spelling
productive
 human
life
whereas
 other strong ways
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 penalizing and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
career education can demotivate people from bad .
Hence
, I think alternative
methods
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 punishing criminals
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
a better selection
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 any country. Admittedly, extended punishment
period
Fix the agreement mistake
periods
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
jail
misspend
Change the verb form
misspends
show examples
 a productive human
life
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 a motherland.
Because
Correct word choice
This
show examples
this
 causes
Add an article
an
the
show examples
energetic workable period of a person to spend in
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
jail on
tax payers
Correct your spelling
taxpayers
show examples
 money. When they
released
Add a missing verb
are released
show examples
 back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 they even cannot survive as they don't have any savings and they are no longer suitable for most of the jobs available
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
modern civilization, where they again become a burden to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
.
For instance
,
according to
 an article on the Sunday
observer
Capitalize word
Observer
show examples
last
 month ,most of the
long standing
Add a hyphen
long-standing
show examples
imprisoners
Correct your spelling
prisoners
show examples
, when they got released,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
refuce
Correct your spelling
refuse
refused
 to go back to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 becoming a trouble to the
homecountry
Correct your spelling
home country
 in their whole lifetime.
On the other hand
, there are many ways to reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate than punishing after doing
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 bad act. Strong penalizing
methods
 like initialization of death sentences to larger crimes ,and increase
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 amount of fines for wrong acts can demotivate people not to
commence
Wrong verb form
commencing
show examples
 the
crime
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
first
Add an article
the first
show examples
 place.
Further
 , better career education can strengthen
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 economically which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 for a better living
standerd
Correct your spelling
standard
 with less motivation to commence
bad
Change the word
badly
show examples
.
For instance
According to
 the Times magazine, in Dubai,
Soudi
Correct your spelling
Saudi
 Arabia, less than 1000
imprison
Wrong verb form
imprisoned
show examples
for a whole year
due to
srick
Correct your spelling
strict
sick
 rules and regulations and
Correct article usage
an economical
show examples
economical
Change the adjective
economically
show examples
 stable
society
.
Thus
, there are many
methods
 available to reduce
crime
Correct article usage
the crime
show examples
 rate than extended imprisonment.
Therefore
, in my conviction, prisoners have to
give
Wrong verb form
be given
show examples
oppertunities
Correct your spelling
opportunities
 to rebuild their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
 without just
waisting there
Correct your spelling
wasting their
show examples
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 long prison sentences
while
strenthening
Correct your spelling
strengthening
society
 with career education and other
stric
Correct your spelling
strict
 rules and regulations to lessen the offences rates. In conclusion, legislators have to come up with plans not to waste human
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
 with long prison sentences
whereas
 they should utilize other
methods
 to demotivate bad acts.
Thus
this
wirter
Correct your spelling
writer
 strongly holds the notion that there are better alternative ways of
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
show examples
 crimes.
Submitted by dinaka0001 on

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General Advice
Ensure a clear and consistent argument throughout your essay. Your stance should be evident and supported by specific examples or data where possible.
Sentence Structure
Focus on the accuracy and complexity of your sentence structures. Varied sentence types and correct punctuation will enhance clarity and cohesion.
Grammar and Spelling
Be cautious with spelling and grammar. Minor errors can distract from your message. Consider revising your essay for grammatical accuracy and spelling consistency.
Elaboration of Ideas
Work on developing your ideas more thoroughly with specific examples or evidence. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more persuasive.
Paragraph Structure
Introduce each paragraph with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea to the reader. This will improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Response
You effectively addressed the task by discussing both views and providing your own opinion.
Essay Structure
You have a good attempt at structuring your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Use of Examples
You included relevant examples to support your arguments, which helps to illustrate your points more clearly.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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