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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
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This
Linking Words
 line graph depicts the
percentage
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 of total
urbanization
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 in four Asian nations (Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia), between 1970 and 2020, and predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, a rapid increase in
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cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
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population
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 has been predicted for
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future
Correct article usage
the future
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 in these Asian countries,
moreover
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, Malaysia is going to have the most populated
cities
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 in the
future
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 than others.
Firstly
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, the
percentage
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 of individuals who lived in Philippinian urban areas, was a little above thirty,
then
Linking Words
, for ten years stayed the same, until, 1990
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 we can see a dramatic
rise
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 in
population
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,
however
Linking Words
, for ten years, increased considerably until 2020 which rose
substantionaly
Correct your spelling
substantially
 and it is predicted that
population
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 of people in
cities
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 are going to
rise
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 in the periods given.
Secondly
Linking Words
, we witness that in Malaysia a significant rocket has happened in
urbanization
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,
however
Linking Words
, between 1980 and 1990 we can see a slight plummet in
urbanization
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, in
adidtion
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addition
, there will be a dramatic rocket in
population
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for
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
future
Correct article usage
the future
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.
Thirldy
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Thirdly
, between 1970 and 2020, there was
increase
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an increase
the increase
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 in the
percentage
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 of
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population
Add an article
the population
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 in Thailand and it was approximately a tenth, it is predicted to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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witness
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a witness
the witness
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of
Change preposition
apply
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a massive change in
urbanization
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 in Thailand in 2040 with a
rise
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 of roughly twenty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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.
Lastly
Linking Words
, Indonesia, has a
graduall
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gradual
gradually
rise
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 until 2000,
after
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 year the total
percentage
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 of people who lived in the
cities
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 of Indonesia went up rapidly, it is
also
Linking Words
 predicted to see a
substantional
Correct your spelling
substantial
 increase in
population
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 in the
future
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.
Submitted by abbasisarina340 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, urbanization, cities, population, future, rise with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rocket" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
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