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Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020 with predictions for 2030 and 2040. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions #features #comparisons
This
 line graph depicts the
percentage
 of total
urbanization
 in four Asian nations (Philippines, Malaysia, Thailand, and Indonesia), between 1970 and 2020, and predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
, a rapid increase in
cities
Fix the agreement mistake
city
show examples
population
 has been predicted for
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
 in these Asian countries,
moreover
, Malaysia is going to have the most populated
cities
 in the
future
 than others.
Firstly
, the
percentage
 of individuals who lived in Philippinian urban areas, was a little above thirty,
then
, for ten years stayed the same, until, 1990
which
Correct word choice
when
show examples
 we can see a dramatic
rise
 in
population
,
however
, for ten years, increased considerably until 2020 which rose
substantionaly
Correct your spelling
substantially
 and it is predicted that
population
 of people in
cities
 are going to
rise
 in the periods given.
Secondly
, we witness that in Malaysia a significant rocket has happened in
urbanization
,
however
, between 1980 and 1990 we can see a slight plummet in
urbanization
, in
adidtion
Correct your spelling
addition
, there will be a dramatic rocket in
population
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
future
Correct article usage
the future
show examples
.
Thirldy
Correct your spelling
Thirdly
, between 1970 and 2020, there was
increase
Add an article
an increase
the increase
show examples
 in the
percentage
 of
population
Add an article
the population
show examples
 in Thailand and it was approximately a tenth, it is predicted to
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
witness
Add an article
a witness
the witness
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a massive change in
urbanization
 in Thailand in 2040 with a
rise
 of roughly twenty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Lastly
, Indonesia, has a
graduall
Correct your spelling
gradual
gradually
rise
 until 2000,
after
this
 year the total
percentage
 of people who lived in the
cities
 of Indonesia went up rapidly, it is
also
 predicted to see a
substantional
Correct your spelling
substantial
 increase in
population
 in the
future
.
Submitted by abbasisarina340 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
▼
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage, urbanization, cities, population, future, rise with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rise" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rocket" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "rapid" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "dramatic" was used 2 times.
▼

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