Challenge 5: Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
There is no denying the fact that many
kids
lay out
Verb problem
spend
hours
each day on screen time. This
essay will discuss the reasons beyond this
and evaluate whether it is a positive or a
negative development for individuals and society as a whole.
Remove the article
apply
To begin
with, there are many reasons for children spending hours
on their smartphones
. Firstly
, addiction has become common with digital native
to spend several Fix the agreement mistake
natives
hours
browsing a variety of social media platforms. In other words
, parental control ought to have a means to encourage their kids
with various activities. In addition
, the newest generations need to follow the
modern technology to contribute a wide knowledge in several aspects of life. Correct article usage
apply
For example
, variety
of schools started Correct article usage
a variety
presented
their courses online to Wrong verb form
presenting
make
students Verb problem
put
standby
for any Change preposition
on standby
complication
Fix the agreement mistake
complications
such
as Correct article usage
the COVID
COVID 19
pandemic In 2020.
In terms of spending Add a hyphen
COVID-19
hours
on smartphones
may offer certain advantages, it
Correct word choice
but it
also
brings two potential negative consequences. it detrimental
mental and physical ability Add a missing verb
is detrimental
for
Change preposition
of
kids
in the long term. It is also
possible to say that utilizing cyberbullying for several hours
decreases and effect
Correct your spelling
affects
on
Change preposition
apply
the
Productivity. Correct article usage
apply
Moreover
, it has a significant impact on kids
communication skills by making them socially isolated. Change noun form
kids'
kid's
For instance
, a survey published In 2023 by The University of Oxford showed the crucial drawback influence for
Change preposition
of
smartphones
on children comparing
to others who encourage Wrong verb form
compared
with
social life activitiesChange preposition
apply
..
In conclusion, there are many reasons for Replace the punctuation
.
...
this
issue and children prefer to spend time on their smartphones
as a digital native. it also
true that it Add a missing verb
is also
offer
certain
negativity not only for Individuals, Change the verb form
offers
However
for the whole society.Correct word choice
But
Submitted by zaidamrat5 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
logical structure
Try to ensure each paragraph clearly addresses one main idea. This will strengthen the logical flow and make your argument more persuasive.
logical structure
Incorporate a variety of connectors and linking words to smooth transitions between ideas, which enhances coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Ensure the conclusion is fully developed and provides a clear summarization of your viewpoints, alongside a reaffirmation of your stance.
supported main points
Ensure all points made are supported with specific instances or data where possible, as this strengthens your argument.
complete response
Your essay addresses the tasks directly and develops a clear argument, showing your understanding of the question's demand. Keep focusing on answering the question clearly and comprehensively.
Maintain the clarity of your ideas by breaking them into manageable, clear paragraphs, each supported with relevant examples or explanations.
Specific examples or data to support your arguments would further enhance your task achievement score. Try to incorporate real-life instances, studies, or statistics relevant to your points.
logical structure
You provided a coherent structure with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making your essay easier to follow.
supported main points
Your use of personal opinions and some examples helps illustrate your points, making them more concrete and relatable.
complete response
You achieved a balanced discussion by examining both sides of the argument, which enriches your essay’s content and demonstrates a broad understanding of the topic.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example