Ensuring that regular physical exercise should be the responsibility of parents and therefore schools should not waste valuable school time having sports lesson as part of the curriculum. To what extent do you agree?

Schools
should give more importance
for
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to
show examples
academics and not spend their
time
on teaching sports
activities
, and it is the responsibility of their parents to ensure that their
children
are regularly involved in physical
activities
. In
this
essay, I totally agree with
this
statement. The first reason why I believe that parents can teach sports
activities
for
children
and
schools
should not focus on them is because there are a lot of portions to cover in their curriculum. Nowadays, competitions have increased
to
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apply
show examples
a lot and
children
are needed
Wrong verb form
need
show examples
to be trained to cope
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
with the academic subjects demands. Many universities select their students based on their academic performance and the scores they got in their main subjects.
As a result
,
schools
should give more
attentions
Fix the agreement mistake
attention
show examples
to academics than spending
time
on playing
activities
.
For instance
, teachers can utilise the physical training periods to teach maths formulas in
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interesting or fun ways, which will help them to memorise them and perform well in their exams.
In addition
to
this
,
schools
should inculcate
computer
skills
instead
of providing
time
to play. These days,
computer
knowlege
Correct your spelling
knowledge
is one of the important
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
, which is useful for students to develop their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
.
Children
who
excell
Correct your spelling
excel
in technology can utilize their computers to prepare presentations and assertations using that. If they lack those
skills
, they will struggle to complete their education with high scores because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most of their study work
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
for
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apply
show examples
the help of
computer
knowledge.
For example
, in India, learners who are
expert
Fix the agreement mistake
experts
show examples
in
computer
skills
make
project
Fix the agreement mistake
projects
show examples
for Tech companies, which
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
to establish their knowledge
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
early age
itself
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion, I strongly believe that
school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
show examples
should give a lot of
time
in covering their academic subjects and to provide the
children
with soft
skills
to enhance their future careers.
Submitted by prasadjul1986 on

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Task Response
Make sure to present both sides of the argument before concluding, as you have a strong stance. Representing opposing views, even briefly, can strengthen your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
To enhance coherence, use a wider range of linking words and phrases to connect ideas more smoothly.
Language and Style
Consider integrating a wider variety of sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing.
Introduction and Conclusion
You provided a clear introduction and conclusion that aligned well with your argument, supporting your stance effectively.
Structure
Your essay is well-structured, making it easy for readers to follow your points.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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