Providing children with pocket money on a weekly basis can benefit them in the future. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Giving away
money
on
weekly
Correct article usage
a weekly
show examples
basis would benefit children in future. I partially agree with
this
notion as
this
will help them in
money
management even though it might be
small
Add an article
a small
show examples
amount to manage and spend.
However
, proper guidance from
parents
on
money
expenditure is required.
Firstly
, many
parents
give a handful of
money
on
weekly
Add an article
a weekly
show examples
and monthly basis to their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
as they think that
money
is
basic
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a basic
show examples
need which is true to
greater
Add an article
a greater
the greater
show examples
extent.
This
will help them to properly cover all their basic expenses in
controlled
Change the article
a controlled
show examples
manner and
this
can be achieved only if adequate monitoring of
money
expenditure is done by
parents
.
In addition
to
this
, teenagers will get more experience in
money
handling affairs as they will have
Correct article usage
a sufficent
show examples
sufficent
Correct your spelling
sufficient
amount of
money
to spend.
Secondly
and even more
imporantly
Correct your spelling
importantly
though, if teenagers are left unattended with the
money
provided to them, given their age it would be disastrous as they would tend to become spend thrifters.
According to
my own experience, a salient example of
spend
Replace the word
spending
show examples
thirfting
Correct your spelling
thrifting
which has been observed in my cousin who got more than enough
money
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
his
parents
without any
accountabilty
Correct your spelling
accountability
and later I became
witness
Add an article
a witness
the witness
show examples
of
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to
show examples
his economic downfall. In conclusion, I once again reaffirm my position that
although
pocket
money
is beneficial for teenagers,
parents
should keep
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
eye on their
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
to prevent them
in
Change preposition
from
show examples
becoming uncontrollable.
Submitted by dhindsa.randeep on

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Coherence & Cohesion
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Lexical Resource
Including a wider range of vocabulary and sentence structures can make your argument more persuasive and engaging.
Task Response
Whilst your examples are relevant, incorporating a broader range of instances from real-life scenarios could deepen the impact of your arguments.
Grammatical Range and Accuracy
Pay attention to minor grammatical errors and ensure that verb tenses are consistent throughout your essay to enhance readability.
Task Response
The essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue, illustrating an understanding of task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your argument structure is logical, with a clear progression from introduction through to conclusion, aiding the reader's understanding.
Task Response
The use of personal experience as an example is a good strategy for illustrating your point of view and adding credibility to your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pocket money
  • benefit
  • financial responsibility
  • budgeting skills
  • saving habits
  • independence
  • decision-making
  • financial management
  • value of money
  • earning
  • spending
  • responsibility
  • accountability
  • consequences
  • work ethic
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