IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that there will be decrease in international travel in future. Do you think the less ammount of international travel is a positive or negative or a negative development?

#people #decrease #travel #future #ammount #development
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Certain individuals believe that people will reduce their international travel in the future. From my perspective, the
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 is going to be mixed and it will change
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 and
tourism
 in different ways.
To begin
 with, if people reduce their foreign trips, it will negatively impact
tourism
. For many
countries
,
tourism
 is a source of primary income because these
countries
 do not have any other resources to generate wealth.
Thus
, they have to depend upon resources from other
countries
.
For example
, the Maldives is a country which depends on
tourism
 and people are involved in occupations related to
this
 industry.
This
 will hit their businesses badly and sustainability for the nation becomes difficult.
Besides
this
, decreased
tourism
 reduces cultural exchange between different
countries
.
On the other hand
, if international travel is reduced
then
 the major transportation for expeditions which is air transportation will be reduced. It is
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 main cause of the release of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
exhaust gases into
Correct article usage
the
show examples
air and ozone depletion.
Hence
, if
aeroplane
Fix the agreement mistake
aeroplanes
show examples
will
Verb problem
apply
show examples
decrease in number
than
Correct your spelling
then
show examples
atmosphere
Correct article usage
the atmosphere
show examples
 will be clean and
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 will change. It could result in positive changes in the ecosystem.
To conclude
,
reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
show examples
 in international travel could have detrimental
affects
Replace the word
effects
show examples
 on
tourism
Correct article usage
the tourism
show examples
 sector but
Correct article usage
the
show examples
ecosystem could benefit from
this
 change in trend.
Overall
 , I hold an opinion which is half-way of
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 or negative development.
Submitted by Kiran on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Specific Examples
Your essay presents a balanced view, discussing both positive and negative aspects of the decline in international travel. However, providing more specific examples or data could strengthen your argument.
Introduction Clarity
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines the structure of your discussion. This will give the reader an immediate understanding of your essay's direction.
Idea Flow
It's great how you've maintained a clear structure throughout your essay, with distinct paragraphs for each main point. To enhance your coherence, try to ensure your ideas flow smoothly from one paragraph to the next with effective transitional phrases.
Argument Clarity
You've provided a clear and balanced argument regarding the mixed impact of reduced international travel, which is commendable.
Effective Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively sums up your discussion, reinforcing your main points and your nuanced stance on the topic.
Use of Examples
Using the example of the Maldives illustrates your point vividly, adding credibility to your argument. Including more such examples could further elevate your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: