IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Due to the increasing world demands for oil and gas energy, people need to look for new resources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

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Owing to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
 in
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 oil and gas
energy
Use synonyms
, humans need to explore new
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
 of
energy
Use synonyms
 in remote and untouched
nautral
Correct your spelling
natural
places
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 these explorations will get mankind
Correct article usage
an abudance
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abudance
Correct your spelling
abundance
 of
energy
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 will certainly imbalance and disturb the
eco system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
show examples
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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, finding
energy
Use synonyms
 in remote and
untoched
Correct your spelling
untouched
 natural
places
Use synonyms
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
 more disadvantages than advantages. To start with, achieving
energy
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 goals is becoming tough day by day for governments as
demand
Use synonyms
 is increasing
due to
Linking Words
blast
Correct article usage
the blast
show examples
 of population.
Therefore
Linking Words
, they are looking for alternative
places
Use synonyms
 which are yet untouched and unexplored as
this
Linking Words
 will give
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
 sudden boost in
energy
Use synonyms
 production and keep economies on track for meeting the global
demand
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, to the
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will result in damaging the
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
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 and gradually leaving no place on
planet
Add an article
the planet
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 where natural balance is visible.
In addition
Linking Words
 to
above
Correct article usage
the above
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, hunger for meeting
energy
Use synonyms
 demands and wanting to be ahead in the global
energy
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 hunt race will make governments more and more greedy leading
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
show examples
 explore the sites which are conserved for natural
habibtat
Correct your spelling
habitat
habitats
 for flora and fauna.
For instance
Linking Words
, island named Galapogos islands in
Pacific
Correct article usage
the Pacific
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ocean
Capitalize word
Ocean
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 are known as
habitat
Fix the agreement mistake
habitats
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 for rare species found on
this
Linking Words
 planet and
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
 conserved covering certain miles into the sea but
this
Linking Words
 radius of
conserved
Add an article
the conserved
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 area is reduced considerably as authorities
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
 explore that site for
energy
Use synonyms
pruposes
Correct your spelling
purposes
.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 has happened in
Antartica
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
, where governments of various nations are sending their exploration ships in search of more and more minerals and
naturals
Fix the agreement mistake
natural
show examples
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
.
This
Linking Words
 shows that anything including natural habitat and eco-system could be put at stake. In conclusion, it can be said that even though new
places
Use synonyms
 are
explored
Add a missing verb
being explored
show examples
for meeting
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
 the global
demand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
energy
Use synonyms
,
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
 of these ventures can't be overruled.

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structure
Make sure to organise your essay more clearly. You can improve this by using paragraphs effectively, where each paragraph discusses a specific point related to the topic.
detail
Work on developing your points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
balance
Consider both sides of the argument more clearly to meet the task requirement fully. Including a comparison or contrast between advantages and disadvantages can add depth to your response.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to improve overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, 'abudance' should be 'abundance', 'nautral' should be 'natural', and 'habibtat' should be 'habitat'.
understanding
You've identified and discussed a relevant issue clearly, which shows good understanding of the task.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint, demonstrating good control over essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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