Due to the increasing world demands for oil and gas energy, people need to look for new resources of energy in remote and untouched natural places. Do the advantages of locating these sources outweigh the disadvantages?

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Owing to
increase
Correct article usage
the increase
show examples
in
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
oil and gas
energy
, humans need to explore new
resource
Fix the agreement mistake
resources
show examples
of
energy
in remote and untouched
nautral
Correct your spelling
natural
places
.
Although
these explorations will get mankind
Correct article usage
an abudance
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abudance
Correct your spelling
abundance
of
energy
,
this
will certainly imbalance and disturb the
eco system
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ecosystem
show examples
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
show examples
, finding
energy
in remote and
untoched
Correct your spelling
untouched
natural
places
got
Verb problem
has
show examples
more disadvantages than advantages. To start with, achieving
energy
goals is becoming tough day by day for governments as
demand
is increasing
due to
blast
Correct article usage
the blast
show examples
of population.
Therefore
, they are looking for alternative
places
which are yet untouched and unexplored as
this
will give
required
Correct article usage
the required
show examples
sudden boost in
energy
production and keep economies on track for meeting the global
demand
.
However
, to the
contrary
Add a comma
contrary,
show examples
this
will result in damaging the
eco-system
Correct your spelling
ecosystem
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and gradually leaving no place on
planet
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the planet
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where natural balance is visible.
In addition
to
above
Correct article usage
the above
show examples
, hunger for meeting
energy
demands and wanting to be ahead in the global
energy
hunt race will make governments more and more greedy leading
to
Correct pronoun usage
them to
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explore the sites which are conserved for natural
habibtat
Correct your spelling
habitat
habitats
for flora and fauna.
For instance
, island named Galapogos islands in
Pacific
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the Pacific
show examples
ocean
Capitalize word
Ocean
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are known as
habitat
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habitats
show examples
for rare species found on
this
planet and
being
Add a missing verb
are being
show examples
conserved covering certain miles into the sea but
this
radius of
conserved
Add an article
the conserved
show examples
area is reduced considerably as authorities
want
Add the particle
want to
show examples
explore that site for
energy
pruposes
Correct your spelling
purposes
.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
has happened in
Antartica
Correct your spelling
Antarctica
, where governments of various nations are sending their exploration ships in search of more and more minerals and
naturals
Fix the agreement mistake
natural
show examples
resoruces
Correct your spelling
resources
.
This
shows that anything including natural habitat and eco-system could be put at stake. In conclusion, it can be said that even though new
places
are
explored
Add a missing verb
being explored
show examples
for meeting
Change preposition
to meet
show examples
the global
demand
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
energy
,
demerits
Correct article usage
the demerits
show examples
of these ventures can't be overruled.
Submitted by dhindsa.randeep on

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structure
Make sure to organise your essay more clearly. You can improve this by using paragraphs effectively, where each paragraph discusses a specific point related to the topic.
detail
Work on developing your points more thoroughly by providing more detailed examples and explanations to support your arguments.
balance
Consider both sides of the argument more clearly to meet the task requirement fully. Including a comparison or contrast between advantages and disadvantages can add depth to your response.
accuracy
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to improve overall clarity and professionalism of your writing. For example, 'abudance' should be 'abundance', 'nautral' should be 'natural', and 'habibtat' should be 'habitat'.
understanding
You've identified and discussed a relevant issue clearly, which shows good understanding of the task.
conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarises your viewpoint, demonstrating good control over essay structure.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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