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Writing Samples
Band 5

More and more people are opting for readymade ford intead of freshly home cooked food. Discuss advantageous and disadvantages?

#people #readymade #ford #intead #home #food
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Ready meals, in today’s modernized era, become incredibly ubiquitous among individuals and a lot of them tend to eat
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
instead
 of fresh homemade
food
.
This
 may lead us to pose a pivotal question, do the benefits of
this
 trend outweigh the drawbacks? In
this
 essay, I will examine both viewpoints and elaborate
my
Change preposition
on my
show examples
believe
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
. Several individuals, nowadays, have a firm belief that ready meals are far more effective
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 saving time every day. To put it simply, people now have substantial working hour occupations which take the majority of their day;
therefore
, they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
show examples
 cook or use their home fresh
food
. Office employees,
for instance
,
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
usually spend their day finishing numerous tasks with a short lunch break which
force
Correct subject-verb agreement
forces
show examples
 them to look for
a frozen
Remove the article
frozen food
a portion of frozen food
show examples
food
.
On the other hand
,
this
 type of
food
 will cost a significant amount of money which will bring plenty of financial complications to certain people. If a limited-income employee decides to eat from premade
food
 as his daily meal, he will suffer from the considerable outlays on it. Remarkably, readymade
food
 is one of the root causes of a huge number of illnesses.
For example
, it could be
effortless
Change the adjective
effortlessly
show examples
 noticed that eating them will impact on
bodies
Fix the agreement mistake
body
show examples
 by losing many vitamins
as well as
 leading to obesity. In conclusion, it is impossible to find an obvious answer to the previous question,
However
, on balance, I tend to believe that we ought to avoid
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prepared eatable things
for
Change preposition
because of
show examples
its
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 detrimental effects on our health.
Submitted by a.awh05 on

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Task Achievement
To improve your score, ensure each paragraph is well-developed with clear main ideas and fully elaborated examples. Additionally, enhancing the overall clarity of your ideas can make your arguments more compelling.
Coherence & Cohesion
In terms of coherence and cohesion, work on connecting your ideas more smoothly. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to ensure a smoother flow of information and ideas throughout your essay.
Task Achievement
You have effectively addressed the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of ready-made food.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your essay includes an introduction and a conclusion, which helps in presenting your ideas in a structured manner.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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