IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays more and more people are using cellphones and computers to communicate, so they are losing the ability to communicate with each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the statement?

#people #cellphones #computers #ability #face
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In
this
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 modern world, it's irrefutable that most
of
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apply
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people
Use synonyms
 have electronic devices
such
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 as
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
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 and computers. These things could assist
people
Use synonyms
 to communicate with less effort.
However
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, technology may
has
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have
show examples
any
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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benefits and drawbacks. Both of my
point
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points
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 of
views
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view
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 will be outlined before reaching my opinion.
To begin
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 with, many centuries ago
people
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Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
used
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letter
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letters
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 to communicate
each
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with each
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others
Change to a singular noun
other
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. They should
waiting
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wait
be waiting
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 for a long
time
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 to get replied.
Thus
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,
the
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apply
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scientist developed
another methods
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another method
other methods
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 to communicate and
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
 has
been
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apply
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improved
time
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 by
time
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, even nowadays
people
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use
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search
Add an article
a search
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engine
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engines
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 like Google to concise their
times
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time
show examples
 when they need complex
informations
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information
pieces of information
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. For that reason, offline communication
reduced
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was reduced
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 significantly.
On the other hand
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,
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time
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from time
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 to
time
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societies
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societies'
society's
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 behaviour
hit
Verb problem
is
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 different owing to social media. Facebook, Instagram,
Twitter
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and Twitter
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 can become more addictive for some
people
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.
Socialize
Wrong verb form
Socialized
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 abilities
is
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are
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 decreased
time
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 by
time
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, and
the
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in the
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 worst case
people
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 could become anti-social.
For instance
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, some
of
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apply
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young
people
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 prefer
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use
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to use
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a
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apply
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social media like
facebook
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Facebook
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 or
instagram
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Instagram
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 to wish '
happy birthday
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Happy Birthday
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"to their colleagues
instead
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 of
wish
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wishing
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 it directly.
In addition
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, recently many
corporates
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corporations
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prefer
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have preferred
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 to
use
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zoom
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Zoom
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 for
meeting
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meetings
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 rather than directly.
It's
Unnecessary verb
It
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 looks like they avoid
to attend
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attending
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 real
conversation
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conversations
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 and try to be
silence
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silent
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. But,
honestly
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honestly,
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it's depend
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it depends
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 on personal choices.
Moreover
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, electronic devices could impact
negatives
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negative
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 things. First of all,
people
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 will get some health
problem
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problems
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 like
eye's
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eye
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radiations
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radiation
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,
reduced
Correct word choice
and reduced
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 listening ability,
even
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and even
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 the worst case
people
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 could get insomnia
due to
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 social media addiction.
Thus
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,
meet
Wrong verb form
meeting
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 face to face may decrease many drawbacks. In conclusion,
electronics
Replace the word
electronic
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device
Fix the agreement mistake
devices
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 may make communication easier,
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however
Add a comma
however,
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people
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 should consider to
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
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 in real
face
Correct your spelling
face-to-face
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 communication to improve their
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 with others.
Submitted by patricius.yohanes on

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structure
Ensure clear paragraph structure; each should have a single main idea followed by explanations or examples.
cohesion
Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more smoothly.
accuracy
Revise small grammar and spelling errors, e.g., 'people use letter' to 'people used letters', 'techology has been improved' to 'technology has been improved', and 'eye's radiations' to 'eye radiation'.
task response
Work on developing clearer, more direct answers to the prompt in your introduction and conclusion to make your stance readily apparent.
example
Effective use of real-world examples to support arguments.
vocabulary
Good range of vocabulary to discuss technological advancements and societal changes.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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