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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some
people
Use synonyms
 firmly believe that the parent’s role is vitally essential for
children
Use synonyms
 to be good members of society,
whereas
Linking Words
 others consider that educational institutions
such
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 as
schools
Use synonyms
 and kindergartens are the most valid way to overcome it. I agree with the
first
Use synonyms
 opinion and
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss it. I advocate the view of
people
Use synonyms
 who argue that parents have considerable impacts on
children
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 and that they can be good individuals for society. It is because everyone
first
Use synonyms
 sees their families and they get initial awareness about life from them. These
first
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 steps significantly affect kids’ future lives directly.
Moreover
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, adolescents spend most of their time with their father and mother and it shows that family is a bigger factor than
schools
Use synonyms
. It is evident that every kid is
together with
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 their family until at least 3 years old.
That is
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 to say,
schools
Use synonyms
 don’t have any effects on kids until they grow up.
For example
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, in the case of broken-down families, the majority of these adolescents confront some psychological problems and it does not let them be a good member of the population. It is considered by a multitude of
people
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 that
schools
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 are the best option to be a useful part of the public
due to
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children
Use synonyms
 learning a ton of national and humanitarian value here.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, teenagers can adopt some abnormal actions or psychological problems, which often lead to some bad addictions like smoking, drinking or even drug abuse, regarding their ages, school faculty know how to behave with them
due to
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 they are professionals in that field. Researches reveal that
children
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 are less prone to being a bad person for society when obtaining good awareness about being a good human at these kinds of places like kindergartens.
For instance
Linking Words
, in Sweden, the government pay special attention to
the
Correct determiner usage
this
show examples
 tendency and it is evident that
children
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 tend to be useful humans here and their numbers are more than in other countries around the world. In conclusion, there is a lot of evidence for each view to prove itself .
While
Linking Words
 initial knowledge about life is an example of the
first
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 one, professional faculty to teach humanity values is an example of the second one. Despite
this
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, many
people
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,including me, believe that parental awareness is more necessary than the
schools
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’ role.

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Task Achievement
Try to develop your arguments further with more detailed explanations or examples for each point. This will help to clarify your ideas and make them more persuasive.
Coherence and Cohesion
Improve the overall flow of your essay by using more cohesive devices and linking words to connect your ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that your introduction clearly outlines both views before stating your opinion to strengthen the clarity of your argument.
Task Achievement
You present a clear opinion on the topic, which is essential for the task.
Task Achievement
Your essay includes relevant examples that support your arguments, particularly the case of Sweden and the impact of family dynamics.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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